HER
“My princess, there is hope. Sit and let’s talk.”
I moved to sit on my bed, and my father sat just beside me. By the look on his face, I knew this was going to be a very long talk.
He started, “A man who truly loves you will respect your body. He would not lay claim to your body until he has openly confessed in all ways or form to every being on earth that you are his. Simply put, until you are married to him. I know you really love him and you are convinced that he loves you, but think about all that you lose by letting him touch you.”
“Dad, I did not think I was losing anything. It just happened. His attitude towards me has not changed. He still loves me and cares for me as before”, I responded.
“Sweetheart, something greater is on the line here – your self-worth. What if, after you have slept with him, the relationship breaks up tomorrow? And then you meet another boy, and the cycle continues. What then is the value of your body if every man who comes to your life gains access to it. You think giving a man your body will make him stay.”
“I don’t know. Will it?” I asked with a tone of concern.
“No, sweetheart. I wish that were true, but after they have had their way, sooner or later, they lose interest. They eventually leave you and go to the next woman that comes their way.” My dad replied
“But why are boys like that. It’s not fair on us. Right now, I am so attached to him that I don’t know if I can survive a breakup.”
“Sincerely, I don’t know also. But Mary, imagine the amount of creativity that God put into creating you. He took so much time crafting a beautiful and intelligent girl like you. Are you just going to lose it all that easily?”
At this point, I could not say anything. Was I about to lose everything just because I was in love? But the question that came to my mind was, “What was there to lose? If I was not with Jola, what exactly do I worth?”
I asked myself these questions, and then I realized that sleeping with Jola was not my problem. My problem was that I did not value myself, so I searched for someone to define my value, and I was doing everything possible to keep him.
“Mary, are you listening to me?” My father asked, realizing I was lost in my thoughts.
“Yes, daddy, I am. I was only giving thought to everything you said,” I replied him.
My father, as though he read my thoughts, began to say, “When Abba created you, do you know the great and mighty plans he mapped out for you? He specifically designed you for a specific purpose. Society has put so much pressure on girls. They have defined how you ought to look and how you should dress, not realizing that one’s true definition can only come from God.”
I asked myself, “Do I really know God?”
“Do you really know God?” my father echoed.
“No, daddy. I do not think so,” I replied.
“That is the first step. You cannot truly get to know yourself and your worth as a woman if you do not know God. You will instead keep trying to get your definition from different things and people around.”
HIM
I lay on my bed thinking. I needed to talk to someone – not Bright or John, definitely not my father also. “But I am a man, and I should be able to handle all these by myself. Why do I feel so overwhelmed by this issue?” I thought to myself.
Just then, I heard a voice say in my heart, “It is okay to want to talk to someone. It does not make you less of a man. Call your brother.”
The voice was so clear that I felt that someone was beside me. I decided to obey. I called my brother.
“Jolasky!!!!!” my brother shouted. The phone barely rang before he picked. It was like he was waiting for me. I suddenly felt so happy. My brother’s energy was so contagious.
“Jerry, how are you? It has been a longggg time,” I said.
“Yes, it has. You know how it is being a family man. I am busy taking care of my baby here. I am so sorry. I should be reaching out to you.” He said.
“I don’t know how it is. I am not a family man.” I said, laughing.
“What of that your babe? Are you not going to marry her. You will finish university in a few months, right? You should bring her home so that daddy can meet her.” He was referring to my former girlfriend. He does not know about Mary.
“Well, I am not with her again.”
“WHAT!! Why? What did you do to her?”
“Nothing oo. The girl just said she was no longer interested again. But that is not a problem because I now have a new babe.” I was so excited to say this, but I soon as I did, I felt the excitement in Jerry’s voice drop.
“Hmmm… you have a new girlfriend so soon. You were still dating your former girlfriend like three months ago. How did you get a new one so fast?”
“Well, I don’t know. It just happened.”
“Jola, You know that is not how we were raised. We were not taught to jump from one woman to another. A man of worth would not do that.”
A knife sliced through my heart. Somehow, Jerry always knew the right words to say.
“But there are a billion boys in the world who are well to do, have money, and they still carry different girls. Are they not men of worth also?”
“Worth is not money. We can classify those folks who live such lives as dogs, and you are not one. You are a lion with the same heritage as the lion of the tribe of Judah,” he said.
“Have you been talking to daddy?”
I had to ask him. If they have been talking about me behind my back, I believe I had a reason to be angry.
“Well, I talk to dad, but not about this. I am hearing this for the first time,” he replied. “But whether or not I have been talking to dad, what does it change. It just means that our words are true, and God is trying to tell you something.”
I used to know God until I meant Bright and John.
“Jola, how is your relationship with God?” he asked.
I wanted to wave the question off, or I could be truthful with Jerry. I pondered on it. All my problems began when my relationship with God started falling apart. Things got worse when Bright and John became my roommates while I still lived in the school’s hostel.
I answered truthfully, “Non-existent.”
“I think you need to fix that, Jola. There is a limit to where you can go without God. Don’t forget the promises over your life and the plans God has for you,” he said. “A man of worth does not move from woman to woman. It seems normal for those in the world, but remember that we are not of the world. I have to go now. I have a meeting soon. I should call you tomorrow, but remember what I said. Fix your relationship with God, for in Him alone can you find your true self. Goodbye, Jola.”
“Goodbye, bro,” I said softly.
YOU AND I
The question here is, “Who defines you?”
I had to answer this question myself, and I now live free from worldly pressure. The world has so many definitions for who an ideal man or ideal woman should be. The standards are so high that it is almost impossible to reach them. These societal standards put a lot of pressure on us, leading to so many problems.
For so many years, I was under bondage, and I wasn’t aware of it. It began to express itself as jealousy, anger, and bitterness. I struggled with these for a long time and eventually concluded that was my identity, and nothing could change me.
But after meeting with Christ, talking to spiritual leaders, I realized that I had these struggles because I did not know my worth. Ignorance on who I was (my true identity) was the disease, while these other traits that manifested themselves were just symptoms.
There are so many traits that exhibit themselves in our lives that are just symptoms of an identity crisis. Curing these symptoms does not take away the disease.
It is time to stop beating about the bush. Seek God and let Him define you.
Sheytie Grace
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