The Single Christian and His Sexuality: A Message To My Boys

Dear brothers,

I want to talk about our sexuality. As young men in our twenties, we are experiencing the peak of our libido (sex drive). This is the stage in which we wake up with very strong erections, the stage during which we see regular (and sometimes spontaneous) erections even at the slightest stimulus. It is the stage when the curves of a woman’s body easily “drive us crazy.” It is a purely physiological experience. We are at the peak of our virility.

What exacerbates this matter is that our female counterparts are also at a certain peak in their sexual development- the peak of attractiveness. They are at that stage where their breasts are “standing at attention,” desiring to be touched. They are at the stage where they are also very conscious and deliberate about how they carry themselves. Being aware that this is the stage of “full bloom” (like a flower that displays its colorful petals to attract insects for pollination), they also pay attention to every detail, knowing that every young man around them now is a potential suitor. Some of them may even dress at the “borderline” of decency (not wanting to appear indecent, but also, not wanting to out of “over-decency” conceal their natural beauty). Girls at this stage feel the desperation for attention. They may inadvertently do alluring things: some seductive poses when taking pictures (duck lips, squatting with legs spread towards the camera, and other porn chic gestures), wear fitted dresses that reveal the curves on their bodies or knee-length dresses that reveal their thighs when they sit or stoop to pick up something, they wear low neckline dresses that show their cleavages when they bend a little or transparent dresses that reveal some of their underclothing, etc.

I have found that several sisters do this quite innocently, not knowing the effect these little gestures have on us- their male counterparts, whose libidos are “red-hot,” anxiously seeking a vent for release. I have also come to the conclusion that in our highly sexualized culture, it is only the grace of God that can take a young man through this stage of life.

What I wish to communicate by this writeup is this:

1. Understand your inherent physiological makeup as a boy and do all you can to avoid the sexual triggers that stir up your passion. You can politely excuse yourself from the presence of a lady when you find her sexually alluring.
2. We live in a sexualized world and can expect to be bombarded day and night with sexual innuendos. Arm your mind with the helmet of salvation, protect your heart with the breastplate of righteousness and the shield of faith. Fill your heart with the word of God and engage yourself in productive activities that will occupy you and not leave a place for wandering thoughts to linger.
3. You can also begin to pray and prepare for marriage. The Bible says it is better to marry than to burn. There is no need to spend so much spiritual energy fighting testosterone. May God keep us all in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Yours in this battle for purity, A brother and fellow pilgrim.