Stephanie, Good bye (PART 2)

Stephanie, Good bye (PART 1)

My lover spoke and said to me, “Rise up, my dearest, my fairest, and go.

Here, the winter is past; the rains have come and gone. Song of Songs 2:10‭-‬11 CEB

“No, no God, no. Not again. I thought we had closed this chapter”, Stephanie whispered, sitting on her desk.

It was 5.45 am, and she was having her devotion with God. She pushed the table lamp away, stood up and walked to her window, staring into the night. She was trying to block out the meaning of the words she had just read.

God was saying she should give relationship a chance for the third time that month. She knew of the winter days God was speaking about; the days after her breakup with David were days of severe blight. Night after night, she wept herself to sleep.

Was I really proud? Was I too rigid? Was I too self engrossed? Wasn’t I submissive? Or wasn’t I a help? Wasn’t I listening? Or maybe I was selfish.

Such thoughts and that of self-deprecation made acquaintances with her and became her guest. Her family and mummy Ate, her discipler, had tried talking her out of it, but to no avail, so they resorted to praying for her.

However, when it was time to travel back, she closed the doors on everything that had happened and moved forward. At the airport, mummy Ate hugged her and whispered to her, “Don’t give the devil the key to your life through bitterness. Rather open the doors unto God, He knows how to make things right”.

She nodded, “okay“, bid her farewells and left. Albeit, she resolved never to turn back to the past. What happens in Rome stays in Rome, she had decided.

And since then, she had sworn never to look in the direction of any boy. If there were no Annas for God, she had made up her mind to be the first. She would rather spend her emotions and tears crying for Christ to come into the lives of men than waste them in the life of any brother. The heart of men and of boys are too deep, who can know it?

She returned and sat down again and read the verses again.

…Blossoms have appeared in the land; the season of singing…

Was God calling a man blossom? What exactly is blossoming in him?

Is the season of singing the same as she was thinking?

“God, what carried me to this chapter?” she thought to herself rather rhetorically.

I DID. I DO A NEW THING, STEPH, AND BEFORE THEY COME, I TELL YOU OF THEM

She grumbled, “But, no now. Not marriage. I am only married to you, remember?”

REMEMBER NOT THE FORMER THINGS.

“But I don’t remember them. I already moved on. I’m no longer angry at him. Or am I?” she asked.

But she got no response.

“You said I should forgive him and I did. You made me restore communication with Debbie; no other girl would have done that”, she argued.

Debbie was her best friend, but David’s younger sister. They had been course mates and acquaintances during her Bachelor’s programme in the university, and discovering her relations with David strengthened their bond. She soon became her prayer partner, gist partner, assignment partner, confidante, and sister she never had.

However, when things went awry with David, she considered everyone in the Adegoke family to be wolves in sheep’s clothing and severed communications with her until God said otherwise. She loved that Debbie didn’t try to take anybody’s side when the heat was on and also respected her decision to talk about anything but the sacred topic— David.

Tears were brimming in her eyes. She stood up again and covered her face with her palms. She walked to the window. She was trying to list her points to God, after all, He had said we (men) could come to Him so we could reason together. But His silence was frustrating because she knew what it meant.

She opened the blinds and looked out the window. The day was breaking, birds were beginning to chirp, and she could see the sunrise from her room. One of the reasons why she had chosen her room was because of its proximity to life. She loved the sounds of the birds in the morning, the warmth of the sun as its rays pierced through the blinds of her curtain, and the coolness of the morning breeze, although those of the winter days were not smiling. She looked on as the hummingbirds danced from one branch to another to the melody of their voices.

What do you see?

That was sudden. She stopped and looked again. The roads? Vehicles? Building? Trees? The people rushing to work? Or the birds? She wondered why she perceived that question. And then she remembered, “the singing of birds is come”. She couldn’t understand what that meant, so she closed the blinds and returned to her table. She concluded her devotion, prepared and left for work.

She arrived home a few minutes past 7 pm, exhausted. She left her office at 4.30 pm. ‘Traveling’ back from work in her city is one of the most stressful trips one can make, she thought. She dragged her feet to her room, pulled out her shoes from her bag, and half tossed, half placed them on the shoe rack. Picking up her phone from the bed, she dialled Debbie’s number.

“Hello”

“Heeyyyy, my one and only fish, how was your day?”

“Omo, today get as e be. I just arrived home, after leaving work approximately 3hrs ago. That traffic was more than bad. I’m going to look at what to eat”, she rattled, walking to the kitchen.

“A city that can’t fix their transport issues, is it worthy to be called a city?” Debbie teased, laughing.

“Eehh, see who is talking”, Stephanie interjected. “Don’t even start. Let’s not drag your Lagos into this matter now”.

“Ewooo… no please. That table is standing on one leg”, and they laughed.

Hearing Debbie’s voice was like pouring cold water on a hot plate. She could feel the sizzle run through her as her words and humour washed over her. They chatted for a while before Debbie passed the phone to Dele— her husband; they were out on a date. She had heard his voice from the background.

“Give me the phone, I want to also talk with my girl”

Debbie laughed, “Oh, after fighting for my food, you also want to fight for my girl? You will have to beg me”.

Stephanie heard the cuteness he tried to voice as he said “please” and could imagine the look of accomplishment Debbie must have given him.

Dropping the call, she washed the plates and returned to her room. Debbie had mentioned two things that resonated deeply with her. She had said that healing doesn’t come from running but from opening up to God, who applies the balm. And when times and seasons change spiritually, things naturally begin to reflect that change. So instead of fighting them, one should ask God for strength to walk into them joyfully. Maybe, that was why she was asked what she saw earlier. She had seen the singing of birds and the dancing of trees. Were they also dancing to the rising of the sun?

Stephanie knelt beside her bed and cried to God to give her the grace to look pass the past and walk into the new thing He was promising. She wouldn’t let her fears prevent her from eating from the plate that was set before her. The ‘Power Ds’ —Debbie and Dele— have one of the relationships she admires, and Debbie had mentioned that the intimacy they share didn’t just happen, but because they built and are still building it. She was willing to learn, so she asked Him also to lead her to the right sources.

It was close to nine months since she had obliged to learn about God’s perspective on marriage and the path to it. And boy, it was a ride. She had studied the Bible and listened to messages on marriage. The book “Finding the Bone of Your Bones” by Gbile Akanni shattered every preconceived misconception she had about marriage.

She discovered a lot of mistakes she had made with David. All along, she had thought David’s over-confidence and lack of understanding was the sole reason for their breakup, but she learnt that their relationship was headed for the rocks from the onset. They had not checked to see whether their purposes aligned or discovered the purpose for their coming together. She wasn’t even aware of what David was called to do in life, nor did she know her place in it. Rather, she felt God had said yes, because he had ticked off almost all the items on the list she had given to God, and they went with the flow.

She was also too much in love to notice that David wasn’t as perfect as she thought he was because he was romantic, nor was she aware of her subtle pride in the fact that she was termed a ‘fire mama’. She had thought being spiritual and romantic were all it took to make a relationship work. She knew nothing of the practicalities of that.

It’d been nine months since she accepted marriage once again and two months since she began to develop some weird feelings for Richard.

Richard was one of her closest friends in her place of work. Nothing physically had caught her attention when they first met, but now his passion for God, with humour, was just outstanding to her.

These were not the kind of feelings she had for David. It was a tender nibble at her heart that she had tried many times to push away because she didn’t want to repeat her past mistakes. If e quick to enter eye, e quick to dey comot also. She prayed about it, literally begged God to remove him from her heart, and talked to her Pastor and a few friends about it.

Debbie had simply said jokingly, “Na to go and sew asoebi be that”.

“This girl, you are not a serious human being “. Stephanie replied.

“Ehen now. What do you want me to say?” making gestures with her hand.

“Deb, be serious for once na. I find myself unconsciously looking forward to seeing him at work”.

Debbie guffawed, “Ewoo this a serious matter o. My girl is falling. But, be careful. Watch and pray more. The devil often disguises. Don’t let strange seeds grow in your heart until God says so.”, she completed in a more serious tone.

“Okay”, Stephanie replied.

Debbie paused.

Sensing some hesitation, “what are you thinking about?” Stephanie asked.

“No, nothing”.

“Debbie, I know you too much to give me that answer. I know there’s definitely something. Tell me, what is it?” Stephanie pried.

“But what about David? It’s already six months since he’s been wanting to speak with you. I’m not saying this as his sister, but he’s changed and is extremely sorry. Should I give him your new number?”

How does one hear God in the issue of marriage?
Does a once failed relationship mean it wasn’t God?
Who has a chance between David and Richard?

TO BE CONTINUED…