Follow Up On “There is a Way…”

Last week we posted a fictional story about a character called Bolaji, who was engaged to be married to a lady he loved called Vivian. The story ended with Bolaji calling off his engagement with Vivian three days before their wedding due to some stern warnings he received from God through dreams. That post garnered a lot of reactions and responses of diverse sorts: from fear and suspicion to brokenness and a prayer for God to help our hearts and make us sensitive to His leading.

It seemed necessary to write a follow-up to that story to draw out the emphasis we want our readers to take from it. Even though the story graphically depicts Bolaji’s narrow escape from a future of sorrow and regret, the essence of the post is not to create fear or sow suspicion around the matter of marriage. It is not to make young men or women afraid of getting married. Here are a few points we want you to note and pray on:

• Only God knows the future of a man or woman. We, men, can only know the past and the present. Even Samuel, as spiritual as he was, almost anointed the wrong person because of good looks. 1 Samuel 16:6-7

• Some people who appear spiritual today may not remain spiritual in a few years. The lady you call “honey” today may become a hornet tomorrow. The “darling” of today may become the dagger of tomorrow. Some brothers you call “baba” today may become barbaric tomorrow. You don’t marry for today but for tomorrow. Since only God knows tomorrow, you cannot choose independently of God. In this matter of marriage, you need not move an inch without clearly hearing the voice of God, no matter how much your family, society, or even your hormones put pressure on you. Isaiah 46:10

• As depicted in the story, Vivian can be either a man or a woman. Actually, it takes some arrogance and personal pride to say you, reading this right now, has no tendency to be a “Vivian” to any extent in one aspect of life or the other. To say so will be to insinuate that you have become a perfect Christian, with no more need for growth and maturity in the things of Christ. The correct response should be to pray for God to search your heart and reveal hidden tendencies that can sprout in the future and ruin your family and ministry/destiny.
  
  Could there be quiet issues of sin still hiding in your life? Is there secret pride, pettiness, exaggeration, intolerance, competition, unforgiveness, greed, lack of control, childishness, addiction to attention, extravagance, secret admiration for the world, idol worship, discontentment, lack of commitment, indiscipline, disrespect, coarseness, inability to bridle your tongue, inability to submit, inferiority complex, superiority complex, false humility, etc., still resident in your life? You must cry to God now to both expose and uproot such tendencies before they uproot you from God’s purpose later on and damage your life or marriage. Psalm 139:23-24

• The need for counselling can also not be over-emphasized. There was no indication from the story that Bolaji received counsel from any elder or authority figure. It is necessary to share your leadings with people more mature than you are so they can pray for you and possibly help you interpret what you think you are hearing from God. We don’t believe anyone is meant to dictate exactly what you should do. In the New Testament, all who have received Christ possess the Spirit of God and can hear from God personally. God, as well as spiritual authority, can only counsel you. It will still be your personal choice, the person you will marry. Proverbs 11:14, Ephesians 1:13

• A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. For those who lamented about why God waited for them to get engaged before warning Bolaji, it is necessary to know that God is not a man, and His ways are not our ways. Even though He is our Father, He is also a King and the Highest Potentate in the Universe and beyond. He doesn’t rush frantically to do anything. There is no emergency for Him. He actually speaks when He wants to speak. He cannot be coerced into doing anything outside His own time.
  
  Besides, the story does not give much insight into things that might have happened before the courtship began. It is quite possible Bolaji received more subtle warnings, which he ignored. God usually begins by warning subtly before He goes on to warn as sternly as He did Bolaji. That being said, courtship is not a lifelong commitment, but marriage is. Even in courtship, it is necessary to keep confirming that you are in the will of God for your life. Once you get married, there is no going back. Matthew 19:6

• Suppose you pray, and God points you to someone who doesn’t look so attractive in your eyes, you should trust that God has scanned through the length and breadth of your destiny, walked through the corridors of your future, and has seen that that person is the most suitable partner with whom you will fulfil His purposes and not end in shame. Proverbs 12:4

• Marriage is a faith-commitment. It takes great faith to decide to spend the rest of your years with another imperfect human being who is prone to errors and disappointment. It takes great faith to join your destiny with someone of a different background and a different set of experiences. People change under different circumstances.
  
  This is why marriage is a step you must take by faith – faith not just in what you can see in a person today, but faith in what God says to you. There’s no perfect individual, and you don’t need to wait for conditions to be perfect before deciding to get married to someone. The only exception is that you must not get married to a married person, an unbeliever, a backslider, a divorcee, or a new convert. Hebrews 11:1, 2 Corinthians 6:14.

• Marriage, when done God’s way, is a very beautiful thing:
  • It is beautiful to be partners in grace. 1 Peter 3:7
  • It is beautiful to be co-labourers in the faith. Ecclesiastes 4:9
  • It is beautiful to have someone to prevent you from falling or to lift you when you fall. Ecclesiastes 4:10
  • It is beautiful to have someone with whom to share the warmth of affection. Ecclesiastes 4:11
  • It is beautiful to have a partner in spiritual warfare and not to fight alone. Ecclesiastes 4:12
  • It is beautiful to have someone with whom you will enjoy life. Ecclesiastes 9:9 NIV

• God did not make marriage a fearful thing that destroys peoples’ destinies. Learn to see marriage from God’s light. At ABBA’s Dwelling, we take praying for our marriages quite seriously. If you are interested in receiving the prayer template we use, please email us at abbasdwellingplace@gmail.com. God bless you.