There Is A Way That Seems Right To A Man

Bolaji leapt from his sleep, panting and sweating.

He looked at the screen of his fancy watch, which Vivian had bought for him. It was exactly 2:59 am. This was the third time in a row he had had a similar dream.

He sat at the edge of his bed, perplexed and confused. Without switching on the light on the bedside drawer, he made for his water bottle, opened it and took a few sips. Then he sealed it and returned it to its position. He sunk to the carpet, knees pulled towards his chest. He could almost feel the pulses of his heartbeat vibrating his knees.

“Something isn’t right”, he said to himself. “Is this the devil trying to destroy my relationship with Vivian? Or could it be that God is warning me about something?”… he paused for a while and then continued, “No…this cannot be a warning from God. I received a vision that Vivian is to be my wife last year during my mid-year retreat. After I proposed, Vivian also took time to pray about it and discuss it with her parents. She also felt God was leading her to say yes to me….”

“But why have I suddenly lost my peace just a few months before my wedding?”, he asked rhetorically. “Could this be a test of my faith?”, he continued. “And these three dreams…what do they mean, for God’s sake?” For three nights in a row, he had a dream at almost the same time of the night. The scenarios were quite different, but they each ended with the same thing: he would see a fight, a public disgrace or infidelity. He’d see himself weeping bitterly in a dark place, after which he’d say, “I wish I had never got married to Vivian.” He always woke up after that statement.

“But I know Vivian would never cheat on me”, he said assertively, trying hard to convince himself. “She’s the sweetest girl I know. She was raised properly by her parents. She won’t disgrace me. She understands the call of God on my life and is passionate about partnering with me to fulfil it.” The more he spoke, the more he doubted what he said. There seemed to be a disconnection between his head and his heart.

Bolaji knelt down to pray. “Father,” he said, “I am Your son and I know You have great plans for my life. I have committed even my choice of a life partner to You and I trust that You will guide me and I won’t make a wrong choice.

Everything about Vivian seems right: she loves You very much, our personality types are a perfect match, we are deeply in love with each other, she matches the picture of my dream woman which You gave me some years ago, my parents really like her, and all our friends confess that we look good with each other. I don’t understand what these dreams mean, but if You want to tell me anything please speak, I’m willing to listen. I totally submi….”

Proverbs 14:12

He stopped suddenly and opened his eyes. A Scripture had dropped into his spirit. He felt it was familiar, but he couldn’t recall it immediately. He quickly reached for his Bible and opened to the 14th chapter of the book of Proverbs. Then he used his right index finger to locate the 12th verse:

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

“I don’t understand”, said Bolaji. “Which way are You talking about, Lord?”. He thought deeply for a moment. “Oh…it could be that God is not pleased with the way we are entering into marriage. Oh Lord, I repent of anything I’m not doing right. Please tell me what we should change…is it the wedding date or the traditional wedding arrangement? Is it the style of Vivian’s wedding gown? Please Lord…”

Proverbs 12:4

Another verse dropped into his heart. “I know what this one talks about he said quietly as he flipped a page to find the verse”.

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

Bolaji closed his Bible and stood up. He paced the room a couple of times. Now his heart was beating really fast. This was a crucial destiny-defining night for him. He had a choice to make. What God was saying tonight seemed pretty straightforward.

Would he ignore these warnings and proceed to marry Vivian simply because everything seemed right for them, or would he be bold enough to call off the relationship and go back to the place of prayer to hear God afresh? God couldn’t have watched them court each other for almost one year, get introduced to their families, fix a wedding date and begin wedding plans when He knew it wasn’t His will for them to be together. Or could He?

Just then, his phone beeped. It shocked him to realise it was 5 am already. Vivian, an early bird, usually got up for her morning devotion at 4 am. It was her habit to send Bolaji a message by 5 am, most times to share what God was saying to her and to encourage him.

“Bolaji dear”, she began, “I trust you had a good night’s rest. I slept well, although I occasionally dreamed about our wedding day (I can’t wait:). This morning I read from Proverbs 12:4 and Proverbs 31. Over the past few days, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me how to be a wife of noble character so that I will be my husband’s crown. Bolaji, please join me in praying that God will furnish me with every grace I need, every gem of a character, and every divine trait to be the appropriate woman to fit into the weighty call of God upon your life as an individual and our lives as a couple and family. It’s an immense privilege for me to partner with you in life, and I look forward to it with fear and trembling. I know you will be known at the gates because of the great and marvellous things God will accomplish as I partner with you in life and ministry. Take very good care of yourself, my dear. I love you.

Vivi (your baby and the queen of your heart).”

Bolaji’s heart warmed up, and he smiled as he sat slowly on his bed, reading Vivian’s message. Interestingly, the Holy Ghost had spoken to Vivian using the same verse of Scripture he had read a few moments ago. “Indeed the Spirit is one”, he said to himself. He was now convinced he had earlier misinterpreted that verse to be a warning that Vivian would bring him disgrace. Now he was sure God was simply telling him that he was blessed to be with a woman of noble character. He had nothing to worry about. Or so he thought to himself.

*****

Apostle Bolaji sat comfortably at the owner’s corner of the SUV as the engine roared and the driver sped from the airport. He had just completed a busy itinerary as he ministered internationally and was coming home to surprise his wife on their 15th anniversary.

He told the driver to park outside the gate as he tiptoed into the compound with a basket of chocolates and a jewellery box in his right hand. He was surprised not to see Aaron, the gateman, at his post, but he assumed his wife sent him to get some groceries as usual. As he got closer to the entrance of the house, he also noticed from the silence inside that Daniella and David were not at home.

He wondered where his kids could be at this time. He opened the door quietly and stepped in. He saw some Lego toys in the living room – a sign that his kids had been playing there not too long ago. Then he gently climbed the staircase and got towards his room. The strange silence in the house bothered him, but his heart began to race when he reached the front of his bedroom door.

He heard some movements on the inside and saw Aaron’s footwear outside. He opened the door and, in a flash, experienced the greatest nightmare of his life. There lay his wife, Vivian, having an affair with his gateman Aaron. He looked at the laptop screen across the bed and saw a pornographic video playing.

“What!”, screamed Bolaji with his hand to his mouth. The basket of chocolates and jewellery box dropped as Aaron, shocked and embarrassed, fumbled in a corner, trying to put his clothes on. Bolaji could also see Vivian blush with embarrassment as she tried to cover her nakedness using the blanket.

Bolaji lost his temper, opened the refrigerator on the left side of the room and took hold of a full bottle of wine. He held it by its neck and rushed towards Aaron, who was lucky enough to duck just in time to escape the furious swing of Bolaji’s arm. The bottle of wine broke into pieces, and the wine poured onto the expensive bedroom carpet.

Aaron fled the room without the second foot of his footwear, and Bolaji chased hard after him. The exit of the two men from the room gave Vivian time to get dressed. Her heart raced as she wondered how Bolaji would treat her and what excuse she could give. He was not supposed to return until next week. She was not prepared for this surprise visit.

A furious Bolaji forced the door open. Vivian saw some blood on his body. He had cut himself a little as he raced through the garden to pursue Aaron. She looked away in shame. Bolaji stood dumbfounded, and then he began to weep. He sunk to the ground and wept the most bitter tears he had ever wept. “Vivian, whyyy? Why did you do this to me??,” he said as he wept again.

“Bolaji don’t blame me because it’s also your fault”, said Vivian obstinately.

“What?,” said Bolaji, looking up at her in shock.

“Yes, Bolaji… it’s not my fault that you cannot perform in bed…by the way you are always away from home due to your so-called preaching schedule…only God knows what you do with all the sisters that come to you for counselling during your itinerant preaching.”

Bolaji could not believe his ears.

“Vivian are you out of your mind?,” he asked in shock. “Don’t you know that you are a married woman with kids? Don’t you know that adultery is a sin against God and no adulterer has a place in the kindgom of God? Don’t you know that this act can lead you to hell? Are you not concerned about our ministry?”

“Shut up, Bolaji! Shut your mouth up!,” she screamed. Bolaji was shocked and confused. He had never seen such fury and rage on the pretty face of his Vivian before. For a brief moment, he thought he was looking at the devil himself.

“Don’t you dare call it “our ministry” because it is not ours. It is yours. I’m sick and tired of being carried along something I care nothing for. This so-called ministry life is too restricting. Christianity is not supposed to be too hard. I’m a woman and I deserve to be treated by someone who knows how to drive me crazy in bed.”

“No…no…no, this is not happening”, said Bolaji as he tried to stop his ears with his hands. “What did I hear you say, Vivian? You knew I was called into ministry before we got married. We prayed about it together. We fasted together. You encouraged me and you were excited about building a life and a ministry together with me. What has come over you?”

“Things have changed, Bolaji,” answered Vivian. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. Besides, I believe you have a lot of women who will be excited to marry you. It was great while it lasted, Bolaji. I’m done”.

“I don’t get what it is you are saying, Vivian. What do you mean you are done?,” asked Bolaji.

“You will hear from my lawyer. I will have custody of Daniella and David. I wish you great success in your life and minstry, Apostle Bolaji”, replied Vivian. “I really admired you as a young man, but you’re too serious with this Christianity thing. I want to have fun. And if having fun will take me to hell then so be it.”

Bolaji watched in shock as Vivian packed her things and left the house.

A few weeks later, he received a dissolution papers from a lawyer representing Vivian. She left with the two children on grounds of “irreconcilable differences”, and the court ruled in her favour. She used the massive sum from the divorce to settle in a new house with Aaron in the same town. Gossip about the infidelity of the wife of the famous Apostle filled the blogs and pages of social media for several months. Some elderly Christians and other ministers rushed to encourage Bolaji, who was battling chronic depression and withdrawal after the episode with Vivian.

“What was the point of getting married to a woman who would eventually use her hand to pull down everything we built together?,” he asked God in sorrow and despair as he moped on the floor of his empty kitchen, enduring the shame of a shattered life and ministry.

*****

Bolaji leapt from his sleep, panting and sweating. He heard a loud audible voice which said, “This is the last time. I will not warn you again”. He looked at the screen of his fancy watch, which Vivian had bought for him. It was exactly 2:59 am. The wedding was three days away. He got up and wrote a text to Vivian:

“Vivi baby, the last thing I want to do is embarrass you or cause you pain. There’s a decision I’ve struggled with for the last couple of months. I’m deeply sorry if this comes as abrupt or as a surprise. This is the best decision for both of us. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’m in tears as I write this text to you. I’m calling off our engagement. Please don’t try to reach me. By the time you read this message, I’d have gone out of town to an unknown location to spend time with the Lord on a personal retreat. You have all the right to be angry with me. I want you to know that because of how deeply in love I am with you, the pain and confusion you may experience will be the same thing I’ll be feeling. I hope it will not take too much time for you to forgive me. I love you.

Bolaji.”

After he sent the message he switched off his phone.

The end!

Dear Reader,

Thanks for reading this story till the end. Please write down your thoughts in the comment section below:

1. Do you think Bolaji ended his relationship with Vivian the right way? What do you think he could have done differently?
2. What role should dreams play along the journey of deciding who to get married to?
3. Do you think it is possible for someone who “seems right” by all perceived physical and spiritual parameters not to be God’s will for your life in marriage?