One morning, Timothy woke up with different thoughts reeling in his head.
Why doesn’t my father love me? Is he really my father? How did I get myself into this family? My friends are doing well without fathers.
Timothy continued in this dilemma but got no answer. He harbored also thoughts of running away from home, but he had nowhere to run to. Ditching the thought, he decided to live independently from his father. He resolved to work and fend for himself. He would do everything with his strength, that way he would avoid supervision and accountability to Him.
One day, Job — Timothy’s best friend, who seemed to have everything working for him, came to visit him. After discussing their dreams and plans for the future, Timothy asked his friend why his appearance was always joyful and had everything going well.
Job began sharing his story and experience with his father. “There was one fateful morning I was speaking with my father, I was confused about how my life was going and I needed reassurance that my father was still with me”.
So this is what my father said: “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.’
“Those words were so uplifting and inspiring to me. I gained the reassurance I was seeking knowing that my father still cared about me”, Job said.
Timothy listened with eyes fixated on him. That was something he desperately craved.
Job continued, “He reminded me of his servants: Moses, Joshua, David, Daniel and many more, whom he had directed, and their turn out”.
Twisting on the chair he was sitting on, and sitting up, Timothy gave a soft chuckle.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”, Job asked.
Timothy shrugged.
Job leaned forward with his hands on the table, he slightly cleared his throat and began: “There’s something you don’t know. Actually, there was a time I did what you are trying to do”. He laughed and continued. “I also ran away thinking I could fend for myself and survive the hassles of life. He still came after me. It took everything He had to buy me back and reconcile me to Himself”.
“And the day I realized this, I sat down on the floor and cried. There was this overwhelming feeling of betrayal. After all, He had done for me, giving up His kingdom, His life, His wealth, His glory, and His rulership. How could I entertain the thought that He didn’t love me because of a little hitch I had with him when He had given up everything for me?
As I cried, I felt I did not deserve that kind of love. To me, I was unworthy of his love. My thought was, ‘I have failed him too much, why would he give me a second chance?”.
My father was silent for some time. Then, he began speaking:
‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. Once you were lost, now you’re found. Once you were blind, now you can see. Once you were in chains, but now you’re free. You never did anything before I loved you, what makes you think there is another thing you can do to make me stop loving you?’
Job’s words were sharp and as he spoke, Timothy felt it piercing through his heart, pulling down every lie he had believed.
Job continued, “I was glad my father loved me and had many plans for me. So, I stopped trying to be independent to get everything for myself. Once I need anything, I simply go back to Him and present my request. So in answer to your question, this is what gives me unending joy and makes me relaxed even in the face of trouble. Because I KNOW that my father is there with me. I know He has not stopped and won’t stop loving me because of something I did. Because I never did anything to earn His love in the first place”.
Job turned back to Timothy and saw him in tears. “Why are you crying, Timothy?”, he asked.
Timothy replied, “You won’t understand. For some months now, I have been asking the Father, my Father to heal me of cancer. Even if he won’t heal me, at least let Him provide me with the money I need for the surgery, however, He has been silent. Each day I wake up crying, thinking of my ailment. So I decided to go and live out the little remaining years I have on earth without Him before I die”, gesturing to himself.
“I have pleaded, cried, but to no avail. It seemed my Father is far from me. Recently, I resolved to do as you did— to separate myself from Him, since I felt He neither cared for nor loved me. But your words have given me strength. As you were speaking, I realised that He does love me. I remember, in the scriptures the story of the man he healed, who neither sinned nor did his parents, but his sickness was to give God the glory. And the man received his healing that day.”
So Timothy made this prayer:
“O Lord and my God, I do not know why You have allowed this ailment to last this long. I don’t know why You seemed silent to my prayers. I have realised that there’s nowhere I can run outside of You. I have realised that there’s nothing I can do to help myself outside of You. But one thing I know is that Your thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil, to give me an expected end. So I lavish everything on You. Take the glory even in my predicament”
As Timothy prayed, he received an unending joy in his soul. He never stopped thanking God and loving Him.
*****
Dear reader, I do not know what ailment you’re having or the storm in your life or what you’ve been begging God for in prayers, but seems like He is not answering. But if you can repeat the prayer of Timothy for yourself and believe that God loves you irrespective of your present reality, you would experience the unending love of God and your end will not be a disaster.