“Dammy B! How are you today?”, asked Pastor Jackson. “Please take a seat.”
After almost four years, Damian was still not used to his Pastor’s voice. Sometimes it sounded like the voice of a military general; other times, it had the comforting tone of a father. Damian sat on the long blue couch adjacent to Pastor Jackson’s bookshelf. The quality and order in the office were a fitting reflection of his Pastor’s character. He had never met any man more coordinated in his life. They went on with the usual small talk as Pastor Jackson asked after the usual stuff: his parents, the drama team, and other plans.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet with you earlier”, apologised Pastor Jackson. “I was on my way from the capital where I was invited to attend a closed-door conference with some members of parliament”. Damian, as usual, was challenged by the scope of influence God had given Pastor Jackson and the breadth of his ministry. One time he could be with orphan kids in a rural town, and the next moment he’d be speaking at a conference, addressing business magnates from all over the world. He longed to grow into such a spiritual giant one day.
“How is mummy?”, asked Damian.
“Oh she’s fine”, replied Pastor Jackson. “She’s probably in one of the offices across the corridor getting some paper work ready for our next conference.” There was a brief silence.
“My boy clearly doesn’t sound so happy this evening”, said Pastor Jackson, breaking the silence. “What is the serious matter you said you wanted to talk to me about, Damian?”
“Pastor, I don’t know what is happening to me. I think I need prayers. I don’t want to be overcome by the spirit of lust”, answered Damian.
“The spirit of lust?”, responded Pastor Jackson, sounding concerned.
“Yes”, replied Damian. “Okay Pastor, let me explain.”
“Please do”, said Pastor Jackson.
“There’s something I want to tell you about Joanna”, said Damian.
“Joanna?”, he asked rhetorically. “Okay. What is it about her?”
“You might be disappointed with what I’m about to tell you sir”, said Damian rather shyly.
“What is it, my boy?” asked Pastor Jackson, his voice filled with fatherly concern.
“I have a very platonic relationship with her”, said Damian. “Since she began to assist me with the coordination of the drama group, God has helped me to be faithful and I have never mishandled her in any way. But for the past two months, I have noticed a strong passion in my heart for her. I don’t know what triggered it or how it came, but it seems that all of a sudden my heart has begun to yearn for her. The desire in my heart is unlike anything I’ve felt for a lady before. I have prayed and fasted about it, but it is still there. It is not a carnal feeling, actually. There’s a gentleness to it, yet it is quite persistent. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel really helpless”.
“Hahahaha”, laughed Pastor Jackson. “Damian”, he continued, “I don’t think we need to pray against the spirit of lust. The feeling in your heart is not lust. Maybe it is a signal that it is time for you to seriously begin to consider the matter of marriage.”
“But Pastor, the Bible said when God wanted to prepare Adam for marriage He put him to sleep”, interjected Damian. “How am I supposed to be asleep when I find my heart passionately desiring this sister-friend of mine?”
“Yes, you’re right”, answered Pastor Jackson. “God put him to sleep and went on to make the woman who would be his helpmeet. This sleep is not first of all a physical or emotional numbness. Being asleep doesn’t mean you won’t feel any physical attraction to some of the beautiful ladies around you. That sleep is simply a state of heart that is in perfect rest as you wait on God to bring His perfect will to pass concerning your marriage.”
“Interesting”, answered Damian thoughtfully. “I never really understood it that way. Since you always preached to us that a child of God is not supposed to fall in love before knowing the will of God, I have strictly resisted any attraction to a lady I notice in my heart.”
“You have done well, Damian”, answered Pastor Jackson. “It is not correct to let your heart roam after a damsel you find attractive until you have first confirmed that she is God’s will for your life. Nevertheless, there comes a time when God comes to awake His sleeping servant to a reality that he must arise to pursue.”
“Pastor, you are now speaking in parables”, said Damian. “What is the reality I must arise to pursue?”
“Remember that God did not leave Adam asleep forever”, answered Pastor Jackson. “He woke him up when He was done with making the woman. One of the ways God can wake a young man up is to plant a holy, yet persistent passion in his heart for the woman He is pointing him to. It suddenly feels as if a veil is taken away and you begin to see the sister in a new light.
I must warn you, young man, that this junction is also a dangerous one. It is a time to be watchful, lest Satan outwits you and drag you into temptation. At this point, you must shut in with the LORD and present your feelings to Him until He speaks His word to you with a clear direction.”
“This is quite enlightening sir”, answered Damian with a tone of relief. He had truly felt that something was wrong with him. “The difficult part for me now is that she is my friend and assistant in the drama team. Many other people have long suspected that my closeness to her wasn’t without an ulterior motive. They couldn’t believe that I could be so close to a sister, yet maintain purity of heart and mind in relations with her. I made it my mission to prove it to them. At this point, however, I fear that if God speaks to me about her as my wife, most of them will say I told you so.”
“I understand, Damian”, replied Pastor Jackson. “There’s hardly any major step we take in obedience to God’s will that does not attract some criticisms. But what you should be most concerned about is being in the will of God. There’s no formula to God’s will: for some, it may be someone they’d not been close to, in which case they will have to gently build a friendship with each other; for others, God’s will is someone with whom they already had a friendship.
My experience in counselling couples has taught me that the latter is better than the former. Godly friendship is a normal precursor to a strong marriage. This is because spontaneous friendship that happens without marriage in view allows for sincerity, openness, and transparency that leads to a more accurate understanding of your partner’s makeup. To put it simply, you will meet fewer surprises after marriage if you get married to your friend.”
“I understand sir”, answered Damian. “But my heart is still reluctant.”
“Don’t be afraid”, said Pastor Jackson. “If it is God He will make it beautiful. You should also shut your ears to whatever people may say. Be careful about living your life to make a point to people. Fulfilling God’s will is most important to you at this time. So once you have heard God, swallow your pride.”
“I hear you sir. I will certainly pray some more about it”, said Damian. “And what if she is God’s will for me but she says no?” asked Damian.
“If she is truly God’s will for your life, even if she says no, God will eventually work on her and bring her back into His will. Don’t be afraid of rejec…”
Pastor Jackson’s voice was interrupted by the sound of the door knob of his office door opening, and in walked the elegant wife of the Pastor, Mrs Mariya. Damian got up to greet her.
“Hi, Damian, how are you?” she responded as she patted him on the back. He never could get enough of her sweet Latin American accent. Pastor Jackson had met her in Mexico on one of his missionary trips as a young minister. The ease and skill with which she blended into the African culture made her a darling to the entire Church. She had learned to cook the local dishes and even speak the local language.
“So our Damian is beginning to see visions”, said Mariya in a tone that revealed some excitement. Damian exchanged glances with Pastor Jackson. “I didn’t mean to pry,” she continued, “but I couldn’t help but hear some parts of your conversation while I stood outside the door. Has God really opened your eyes, finally? I’ve been praying for you for months because I knew the time had come. I was almost concluding you had decided to be the next pope.” Mrs Mariya, with her typical jovial attitude, was a perfect contrast to Pastor Jackson, who was a relatively sober, quiet, and focused man. She sat on a chair beside her husband and spoke with Damian for a couple of minutes.
“Who is the sister in question?” she asked in a hushed tone, an attempt to show that she was committed to keeping the matter as secret as possible.
“Joanna”, replied Damian. He could see Mrs Mariya look away and try hard to hide the inevitable smile forming on her face. She was clearly pleased to hear it was Joanna.
“Damian, it’s okay to feel a passionate attraction for a godly sister, especially if it is not lustful. God created us to be emotional beings and to desire a deep, intimate emotional connection with the opposite sex. There is a time to sleep as my husband has taught and preached, but there’s also a time to be awake. It is normal to have the desire to enter an intimate romantic relationship with a woman.
Marriage is God’s provision to fulfil that desire, as well as the desire for the release of sexual tension and for full sexual satisfaction. Marriage is beautiful when done in the right way. I know you’re a young man passionately in pursuit of God’s purpose for your life. Don’t be afraid that “falling in love” will make you less spiritual; on the contrary, a proper marriage will make you more focused and thus increase your productivity.”
The ease with which she could switch from playfulness to seriousness always amazed Damian.
“I overheard you ask my husband what would happen if God confirms that she is His will for your life but she says no. That, my dear, should be the least of your worries. I don’t think any godly girl in her right senses will say no to a guy like you. Even if she does, it may only be a test of your convictions. God will surely fix things as you go back to him in prayer.”
“I understand ma”, said Damian after a deep sigh.
“On a lighter note, many other girls will be curious to know the bait she used to catch a big fish like you”, said Mrs Mariya. They both laughed.
*****
“So what will you do about it?” asked Damian.
“I’m not quite sure”, replied Joanna. “It will be too expensive to try to get a brand new set of equipment, but the scripts have been written and the actors are ready. I’ll figure something out”.
The expensive video camera Pastor Jackson returned from the USA with the previous year had suddenly broken down during a movie shoot she was directing in preparation for the Church’s summer camp. One of the qualities Damian really admired about her was her tenacity. She talked about the movie’s prospects and how she hoped God would use it to inspire the youth. David couldn’t pay much attention to all she was saying. This night would be a turning point for him.
For the first time in his life, he’d have to admit that he was in love with a girl. He couldn’t help but be carried away by her sweet girliness. She had braided her hair and left it falling around a black headband- just the way he liked it. She wore no makeup, but the glow on her face, the gracefulness with which she carried herself, her charming smile, beautiful eyes, and tickling laughter were all too hard for him to resist. He sunk his sweaty palms into his pockets. He knew how sensitive Joanna was. He didn’t want to have to explain why his palms were sweating even though the weather was 15 degrees Celsius.
“Alright then. I’d pray for you as usual. I hope it really works out this time. Thanks for hanging out with me today, Joanna”, said Damian, obviously concluding their hangout for the evening.
“Hold on, please”, said Joanna with a smile on her face. She noted something unusual about Damian this evening. “Is this the serious discussion you wanted us to have?”
Damian swallowed hard and looked away.
“Is something bothering you, Damian?” she asked. With her arms folded and her piercing gaze fixed on him, he knew he wouldn’t find any way to excuse himself tonight. “Please talk to me”, she insisted. “I don’t like to see you like this. We’re friends, right?”
“There’s something I need to tell you, Joanna”, he finally said when he found his voice.
“Okay, I’m listening”, said Joanna, her eyes widened with concern and curiosity.
“You are not expecting this from me and I’m sorry if this comes up as abrupt”, continued Damian.
“Ahaa, Damian, you won’t get me again this evening”, said Joanna playfully. “This is obviously one of your pranks. But why would you attempt a prank when it is not even my birthday” she asked as she looked around to see if there was a hidden camera somewhere.
“Joanna, this is not a prank”, interjected Damian.
“Of course, it’s not a prank”, said Joanna rather sarcastically. “It is an unexpected, yet humorous and fairly risky display of ingenuity aimed at….” with eyes closed and a finger on her forehead, she attempted to remember Damian’s coined definition of a prank.
“Joanna, I think you are a very beautiful lady and I like you very much. I find my heart yearning very strongly for you. I feel our goals are in alignment and I want us to be more than just friends. I’ve given it some thought and prayer, and I feel it is okay to ask you this at this time: Joanna, will you marry me?”
Her jaw dropped, and so did her smartphone as she used both palms to cover her mouth.
*****
Dear Reader, we appreciate it if you’ve read this far. We now want to know your opinion:
- What do you think about the statement “A child of God is not supposed to fall in love before knowing the will of God” as used in the story?
- Do you agree that “Godly friendship is a normal precursor to a strong marriage”? Elaborate.
- According to the story, highlight three dilemmas single Christian guys face at the junction of marriage.
- How important is Pastoral guidance to young people in helping us enter God’s will for our lives?
Please share this blog post with five of your single male friends. It will certainly be a blessing to them.
Nnenna
Worthy read. 🔥💜
But Omoh before I answer the question, come and finish the story. You stopped at climax. And I like gist 😭
Enny
Great piece Bike!
Biko help us finish this story.🥺
1. I agree. Emotions can interfere when seeking to confirm if its God’s will.
2. Well, they don’t have to newly start the process of getting yo know each other before marriage. Secondly, it’s easier for them to be theirs elves if they were first friends without marriage on sight.
Hephzibah Joshua
A Very wonderful article 🔥
1. As a child of God who knows how crucial marriage is, knowing the will of God before “falling in love” is very important. Falling in love is not as mystical or magical as Hollywood makes it seem. Attraction can be instantaneous but falling in love isn’t. There’s a biological process to falling in love: it involves bonding and is built by intimate interaction and communication. To develop a deep affection for someone without first finding out if he/she is God’s will for your life is risky because that love is likely to take you out of God’s will. Lol(think abouritttt).
Love outside God’s will might end up in heartbreak because emotions have been involved and if eventually God says that person isn’t the one, you’ll have to undo what you’ve done and that process on its own is a difficult journey. So as a young man or woman it is important to know God’s will first before falling in love with the person who represents His will for you in marriage.
Hephzibah Joshua
2. Yes I agree. Genuine friendship that flows without marriage in view gives opportunity for sincerity and vulnerability that enables both parties to know and understand each other’s makeup. This will prevent much surprises in marriage.
Hephzibah Joshua
3. Hmm well, according to the story I think the dilemmas Christian brothers face are:
Firstly, the wrong notion that feeling an attraction for a lady is lust. No it isn’t, my brother, God might be waking you up for your next stage in life😁.
Secondly, the fear of what people will say considering the fact that this person has been your platonic friend or even assisting you in service in the house of God (don’t mind them, just follow God’s will😁).
Lastly, the fear of being turned down when you propose to her (God will help you ehhn, she’ll not turn you down in Jesus name🙏)
Hephzibah Joshua
4. Pastoral guidance is very important o, as important as you knowing the will of God. Know that there is a grace upon Pastors and spiritual authority for discernment and to prayerfully help you align to God’s will in marriage. For a young Lady who has a spiritual authority overseeing her, when you as a brother comes for her hand in marriage and meets the Pastor for guidance, the Pastor will definitely tell you if she is single or taken; and if single will arrange how to make it easy for you, gentleman, to make clear your intentions to her.
T for Thanksssssssss.