I never really believed in love at a young age or this whole ‘high-school sweetheart‘ concept. I understood that you could like someone, always want to be with them, and be infatuated, but to be ‘in love’ in high school was something I never thought could happen until I met him.
I should warn you this isn’t your typical love story. It might not even be a love story at all, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Our story begins in high school, as you might have deduced. We were classmates, and gradually, like two opposite poles of a magnet, we seemed to attract. We were so attracted to each other that we ended up dating. After this, we gradually stopped talking, moved on, and our story ended, or so it seemed. The romance was short-lived and ended weirdly, but that’s a story for another day.
Fast forward to our last year in high school. I resumed so late that term that the only place to sit happened to be in front of him. The chemistry between us that I thought had fizzled out suddenly began to sizzle. However, this time, I decided we were going to remain friends. A decision aided by the fact that he had a girlfriend. Over time we got closer and closer and spent even more time together. Whatever connection we had before seemed like nothing compared to what we were currently having.
We had gotten so significantly close that other people started noticing it, both those who knew we had history and those who didn’t. He had a special nickname for me. Whenever I stepped into a room he was in, he lit up. We always had a reason to talk. If there wasn’t one, we would find one.
In all this, he still paid attention to his girlfriend, from the little things like walking her to the hostel from school, stopping our conversation once she walked into our class, to even telling her that he was leaving school when he couldn’t even be bothered to inform me. These little things put me in check, I knew I came second to her, and I didn’t mind. After all, we were just ‘friends’. I knew I should have done something when he started calling me his woman in front of everyone except her.
People didn’t help matters as they began to tell his babe, Yvonne, that I was his side chick. I didn’t let it bother me, even though I knew that he and I had become too close for comfort. I felt that since he was the one in a relationship, he should have been mindful of what he was doing, and if he was comfortable enough to call me his babe in public, there was no need for me to do anything.
In retrospect, I see how wrong I was, he had his role to play in setting boundaries, but I had my part to play as well. It has taught me that in breaking boundaries, there are usually two people involved; the enabler and the one actively breaking the boundary. Being an enabler means you can consent by allowing the boundaries to break or by not saying or doing anything when they are being broken.
Soon we graduated, and we were all trying to figure out the next step in life. Of course, we kept in touch. We chatted all day, every day. You know when you talk to someone so much that your conversations don’t have a beginning or end and just continue from where you left off? Well, that was us. We spoke often enough that my mother noticed and asked what was happening between us.
I was quick to recite what had become an anthem for me now and told her we were just friends and nothing more, especially since he was dating someone. My mother, ever so wise, asked me a question I can’t forget, “If you were in Yvonne’s shoes and your boyfriend happened to be talking to another girl this much, how would you feel?” It was like ‘cold water had been poured over my body’. I caught a glimpse of how wrong I had been.
Yvonne and I became friends over time. She understood the concept of ‘keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer’. We had also been talking often. One day she asked me for a favour. She wanted me to ask Ransford(our code name for her boyfriend) about their future and whether they would break up because they had been fighting a lot. There was the issue of them going to school in two different countries.
I was initially reluctant because although Ransford and I were close, there was always one topic we never spoke about -our love life. She insisted, and I eventually gave in because something in me wanted to know. I went along and asked him. His response was salty, and I received a backlash for an answer. This experience taught me that communication is key with your partner. I should be able to ask and tell my partner anything and vice versa. I also learnt never to meddle in a couple’s affairs.
Shortly before I left for school, a prayer point kept popping up in my spirit. I asked God to remove anyone from my life that He knew wasn’t good for me. I don’t know what triggered that prayer point, but the Holy Spirit knew what He was doing. They say, “be careful what you wish for”; in my case, it was “be careful what you pray for” because it wasn’t long before Ransford and I started talking less often.
As time passed, the interval between replies kept increasing, the responses became monosyllabic, and the vibe differed. I knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t ready to let go. I kept trying to reach out. I would be the one to initiate a conversation, and he would be the one to end it shortly after by leaving me on ‘read’. I had gone to school at the time and had less time to talk than when I was at home. Apart from that, the network was terrible in the hostel, and smartphones weren’t allowed in class. Looking back now, it just shows me that God has His amazing way of doing things.
I eventually got tired of feeling like I was disturbing someone’s son. I made up my mind to send a message for the last time, and if the situation were still the same, I would never text him again.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was probably the shortest conversation we had and true to my word, I stopped talking to him. It was a hard decision to make. It hurt because he didn’t seem to notice my absence in his life. After all, he never sent a message to check on me. That’s where our story ends.
I genuinely never wanted to date him. I honestly thought we were friends. I keep going over our story, trying to see where I missed it. Did I do something wrong? I want to know how he could move on without ever looking back.
I know you probably didn’t envision this ending when you started reading. I didn’t either when I met him so many years ago. Who ghosted who? Was I right to never talk to him again? Can you get your heart broken by a friend? Most importantly, do you see that all this drama could have been avoided if we had an honest conversation about our relationship?
From this experience, ABBA’s DWELLING thinks that it is necessary to note that:
- In the same way, marriage relationships are crucial, friendships are too. “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”- Proverbs 18:24.
- There’s a saying that goes, “Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Your friends play a very big role in your life and are very vital in shaping your person. Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
- It is necessary for you to know and respect the boundaries with your friends who are in a relationship. Most times, it is extremely important that you mind your business and not interfere in matters that relate to another’s relationship.
- Also, one must note that not all friendships last forever. Some friendships are seasonal, so if you find some falling out naturally, don’t force them. God might bring certain people into your life for some specific purposes. When those reasons are accomplished, you must let them go and release them from your heart by wishing them well.
- As young adults, crushes and infatuations are almost inevitable but we must take necessary steps to guard our hearts. “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23.
- It is also important to note that there is time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and this includes relationships. Understand the season you are in, allow God to teach you what you’re supposed to learn in that stage and make the most of it.