A Better Pharisee!

Anytime I read the gospels, I understood the confusion and the ignorance of the Pharisees on a deeper level. It was not logical for a mortal man to call himself the Son of God. To them, a mere man and the Almighty Creator of the universe having a father-child relationship was just overboard boasting. In their ignorance, they called it blasphemy, but the man they called a mere man was indeed God’s Son; in fact, he was God in human form.

On some other occasions, instead of understanding them, I felt like hitting them on the head and telling them that it was easier to believe than to keep on fighting. However, the more I read into their lives, the more I realized how much of a Pharisee I also was. The most shocking thing was that I was my own Pharisee. While Jesus Christ was the Son of God on earth and his Pharisees who doubted his status were external to him, mine lived in my head, following me daily as I lived my life. It was a difficult life and one filled with double standards.

Looking back, it almost seemed like I was bipolar— one moment, I was aware of my place in Christ, marvelled by the wonders that God desired to do in and with my life, and the next moment I was overcome with fear and discouragement from the voices in my head (which I call my Pharisees).

I could have had a marvellous morning devotion but also lived defeated throughout the day because I exalted my external circumstances over the word of God. I think I did a better job at “Phariseeing” than those in the scriptures. I believed that I was indeed a child of God, but I was also very quick to question my status and place in Christ.

Whenever I got either a promise or an assurance from God, ‘the Pharisees in my head’ were so quick to raise questions of doubt, almost sounding like their father, the devil, “Did God surely say?” Those voices made me focus on my current state as a prerequisite to receiving the promises and blessings of God. And since I never met the spiritual standards I had set for myself, I quickly returned to self-doubt and self-hatred. It got so bad that I started having suicidal ideas.

How I was delivered

My breakthrough came when I realized that the devil was the one who sponsored the acts of the Pharisees in the scripture and in the same way, those of the internal Pharisees that I had.

“Satan, who is the God of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭4‬ ‭NLT.‬‬

This made me realize that I was in a serious battle. The devil was ever on the lookout to have my eyes blinded from seeing the glorious light of the Good News. Generally, the Good News refers to our salvation story, the work of our Lord Jesus Christ. But when we come to specifics, this Good News works on different things inside us.

For example, for someone struggling with a particular sickness, the Good News comes with the message of healing. For someone with pornography addictions, the Good News sets them free from that bondage. Personally, the Good News was working on my low self-esteem, self-doubt and identity crisis. The three major issues that I was facing in my old life.

The practical steps I took

I realized that if I fought this battle alone, I would lose a thousand times and more. But thank God for discipleship. I spoke to my discipler (spiritual mentor) subtly about it. I was initially too embarrassed to talk about it, but I knew that if I was going to be free, I needed someone more spiritually mature than I was. It was a beautiful ride. **With constant bible study, prayers, words of affirmation from the Scripture, and detoxing from contents that fueled such thoughts, I overcame. It didn’t happen in a twinkle of an eye, it took time, but it happened. One day, I woke up, and I knew that, indeed, I was free.

1. Discipleship
2. Bible Study and prayers.
3. Constant words of affirmation from the scriptures.
4. Detoxing from contents that fueled those thoughts.

Relapses?

I realized that my thoughts played a fundamental role in whether or not I remained in the victory I had gotten. I know the devil is going to and fro looking for whom to destroy, and it seemed he came to me twice or thrice more than the average person. But then I realized that I was the one who was creating an outlet for him with my thoughts.

I also realized that once I lost my communion with God, it was easy for the devil to come in with such thoughts, so I took my morning devotion more seriously than before.

Final Note.

In the spiritual kingdom, believing is seeing. The devil knows that the moment you begin to doubt God’s word and promises, you’ll be unable to walk into the reality God called you into. Please take charge of what you feed yourself with; they are most likely to be your mainstream thoughts. I didn’t see Jesus searching for the Pharisees to hear their comment or opinion about his ministry.

Even when he asked for his identity (who do men say that I am?-Matthew 16:13), this was not because Jesus didn’t know but because he wanted to see the level of revelation his disciples had of Him. Do not search for your definition from the world, but look into the scriptures. That’s where you will find yourself.

Song Suggestion

In Christ alone

You Say by Lauren Daigle