My Partner; God’s Rival

My fairytale began three weeks ago when Ben invited me over to a café for a late breakfast. It was a rather idle Saturday morning, and I was free, so I accepted the offer. As we chattered over our meal, I had an increasing premonition that he was going to “pop the question”.

In the past couple of months, it’s been on my heart to pray concerning my marriage, and the more I prayed about the matter, the closer Ben came. So his proposal didn’t quite come as a shock to me.

“I want to talk to you about something important and I am sorry if it sounds impromptu or offensive”

“What are you talking about Ben?” I replied, playing along. I could see him fidget a bit. I knew that it was hard for him.

“Well, I don’t want to begin with “God said”, for fear of sounding cliche, but that is actually the truth. I have been praying for a while and I would want to know if you would love to start a relationship with the intent of marriage,” he concluded with his face down.

I felt a little tingle in my stomach as the butterflies let loose, but I had learnt from my spiritual mentor to not be hasty in giving a response to this question. I had told her I sensed someone might be coming to propose.

“Alright Ben, give me some few days to pray about it and also inform my discipler, then I will get back to you.”

“Of course, no problem. You can take your time, but not too much time,” he said with a smile. There was a note of relief in his voice.

I felt I had to say something, but I was lost for words, and switching to another conversation was a bit awkward. Thankfully, we were done eating. So to make things less uncomfortable, I signalled the waitress to bring our receipt so we could pay and leave. Ben decided that he would pay for what I had eaten since he was the one who asked me out. I was reluctant at first, but eventually gave in after he insisted.

*****

After several consultations and prayers with my spiritual mentors, it was time to say yes to Ben. I told him to meet me at the cafe we met just a few days ago. The truth was that they liked Ben already. He was a wonderful man who genuinely loved God. As he walked towards me, I could not help but marvel at the fact that he was God’s choice for me. It felt like I had hit a jackpot in the spiritual realm. I think the smile on my face gave away my response.

As we hugged to greet each other, he whispered in my ears, “Why do I feel you are going to give me a positive answer?”

I smiled even harder, as the only thing in my head was the inner me screaming, “BEN IS GOING TO BE MY HUSBAND!” Since he had already figured out my answer, I told him it would be a pleasure to be called his wife. He smiled widely in return and proceeded to hug me one more time.

I informed him that he would need to meet with my discipler, and I also needed to meet with his.

“Slow down, Princess,” he said, stopping me as I ranted on about the numerous things we needed to do now. “I know all these things, and I was already going to ask. In fact, I have met with your discipler; I made my intentions known to her weeks before I told you.”

I was shocked at this revelation and was again super impressed that he knew the right spiritual buttons to press.

*****

Ben and I attended the same church, so it was not long before everyone knew about our relationship. We had decided to be open about it to save other guys the embarrassment of getting rejected if they came to ask me out. More importantly, for the sake of ladies who were always flocking around Ben. I needed them to know that he now has a Queen.

One particular Sunday, as the worship was going on during the service, I could not help but constantly think about my new life with Ben. He was amongst the instrumentalist and played the guitar. Seeing him up there made it even much harder to focus on the service. But then, something happened.

The choir started to sing a song with the lyrics, “You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God you reign”. As the ministration progressed, I felt the Holy Spirit ask me, “Is this true for you?” I quickly responded by repeating that same line with the choir. As I meditated on God’s question, I remembered what God told me during my quiet time that morning: “Thou shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind and your strength.”

I saw a connection between the song and the scripture, but I could not place a link with my own life. I was quite disturbed, and I knew I needed to seek God urgently to understand what He was saying. The urgency in my spirit continued to increase more and more as the sermon continued. I got up immediately after the offering and headed home.

I was suddenly stopped in my tracks by the sound of Ben’s voice. “Mel, where are you rushing to?”

“I am going home, I need to sort some things out.” I replied. I did not feel like having a chit-chat.

“Oh really! I wanted us to go out and get lunch. You know we only get to see during the weekends.”

Ben was right. Our work schedule made it difficult to see each other as regularly as we wanted. But I also needed to go home to satisfy the nudging in my spirit. As I was about to say yes to Ben, the lyrics of that song replayed in my head, but I ignored it. “I am not going out to sin; I am going out with “God’s will” for my life,” I convinced myself.

My outing with Ben was fun. I got home tired, and I could not pray as I intended to earlier.

The same song was in my heart as I woke up the following day. It seemed like I was being haunted by it. I continued to sing the song and reassured God that He had no rival. As I sang and prayed that morning, Luke 14 came to mind. I went on to read the whole chapter, and when I got to verse 26, it seemed like a knife pierced my heart. – “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple”. I knew that God was indeed speaking to me from that verse.

I read from various other translations, and the message was the same “Forsaking all others and following hard after him.”

“But God I have forsaken all. I have done all that you have required of me. I have never sought my own will. What is the matter Lord?” I replied as I prayed.

I heard in my heart, “But you have not forsaken Ben. He has now become your comforter and helper. When you have a problem, you forget that I am your helper, you look to him for only what I can give to you.”

I realized I had gotten extra sensitive and needy along the line and placed these unrealistic expectations on Ben. I demanded much of his time and care without even communicating with him directly, and I have even replaced some of the time I spend with God with him.

That was when I realized why a godly union must consist of two mature people with God as their number one. First individually, then collectively. I wept bitterly in repentance. I knew that no matter how much I loved Ben, God needed to remain the first person in my life.

*****

Dear Dweller, even in relationships, we must know that Jesus must remain our waking-up thought and last thought. He must be the one whose attention and love we desire and crave more than anything or anyone. We must be excited about Him before the blessing of a partner He has given.

Looking through the scriptures, God has always made it clear that the best of His blessing to us will never substitute Him, so we must be conscious of that daily(Genesis 15:1, Psalm 27:4, 42:1). At every point of our lives, He must take the number one place in our hearts.

Most assuredly, the people we love and care about are amazing and sweet, but when we make them our oxygen, we are bound to get heartbroken because they’re limited in their humanity. We shouldn’t assign the abilities in God’s jurisdiction to a partner who loves us and then frown at or accuse them of being incapable when they have tried and failed countless times. They cannot fill a shoe which is meant for God to fill.

John 15:5 tells us, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” I love that God has chosen to show us how much we need Him in the pages of the Bible. Even in the fullness of earthly love, you’ll still find that you desire something higher; there’s a void which cannot be filled by any man but God Himself. As the deer pants after the water brook, so our soul longeth for Him- I love this profound need.

At this stage of my life, I’m learning every day to stay in the place of prayer, saying, “Jesus, No one can take your place in my life; today, I prioritize you above my partner”, and I realize it always did something to my daily living.

Dear One, if you constantly need your partner, retrace your step and priorities and refocus your life on your ultimate source, JESUS CHRIST. Tell yourself that if your partner could be all-sufficient like God for you, then they stand to be a rival with God in your life. I pray we stand boldly before God and sing, “You have no rival, You have no equal, now and forever God You reign”, and be entirely sure and convinced about it.