Don’t Stir Up Love… Until It Is Time

On this freezing morning, I went out with a friend to visit a mutual friend. While at her place, we talked about so many things, and we somehow arrived at “relationship gist”. This topic is quite an exciting one for people my age. My friends said a lot of things, and I sat there doing more listening than talking. As the discussion progressed, the issue of inquiring about “God’s will” in a relationship came up.

At the time, I did not know much about this particular subject. Of course, I knew it was essential to involve God in confirming if our potential spouse was the ‘one’. However, my knowledge of this topic was limited, and I thought all we (my potential spouse and I) needed was to consult a man of God for prayers when we were ready. I didn’t know much about having your personal convictions. After the discussion, my friends urged me to ask God to reveal my future spouse to me. I didn’t hesitate. “It wouldn’t hurt to know“, I thought to myself.

I prayed about it, but after some time, I stopped. I would eventually find out that, indeed, God answers prayers. He showed me “THE ONE.” Subsequently, I got more confirmations, and in a few months, he requested that we start a relationship. I told him I would pray about it – and I did. But I probably wasn’t waiting to get another answer from God as I did not feel it was necessary. Remember I said I knew so little about finding out God’s will in a relationship.

Also, I reasoned that since God had revealed my future spouse to me, I had the go-ahead to launch into a relationship with him. How wrong I was!

We started “dating” – or should I say “courting”, because we had marriage in mind. A lot happened in the space of two years. These pages will not do justice in expressing all of it. Nevertheless, to cut the long story short, we separated. I was heartbroken. Heart. Broken.

I had a lot of unanswered questions:

‘What went wrong?’, ‘Why did we break up?’, ‘What happened to all my convictions?’

God saw my heart and began to open my eyes to some of the things I did wrong, and I’m going to let you in on some of them. Are you ready?

The first was IGNORANCE: (Hosea 4:6a: “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”). Ignorance is not something to be taken with levity, trust me. I didn’t know what it took to build a proper relationship. I still had so much to learn – and I learned, but the hard way.

The second was IMMATURITY: I was carried away by the euphoria of being “in love”. Soon enough, I realized that there was more to being in a relationship than that. When the demands and challenges dawned on me, I took the easy way out – a break-up. Don’t judge me. At the time, It seemed like the best thing to do. It probably was, as I have grown to enjoy the blessedness of singlehood.

The third was LACK OF COUNSEL: I guess I didn’t go to the right people for advice when the reality of being in a relationship struck. Even when I considered ending the relationship, I also didn’t seek appropriate counsel before making a decision.

And the list continues.

After realizing where I missed it, I apologized to God a lot for my mistakes. I felt I had failed God. There were a lot of heartaches and heartbreaks on both sides, but God remained faithful. Hallelujah!

So, where am I going with this?

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.” Songs of Solomon 2:7 NKJV

You might be wondering what this verse implies. Let’s try another translation, shall we?

“I say to you, young women of Jerusalem, please do not cause someone to feel love for another person; not until he or she wants to. I am saying this because I really mean it. I ask you on behalf of the gazelles and the young female deer in the field.” Songs of Solomon 2:7 EASY

Much better, yeah?… Alright, the last one, I promise:)

“Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” Songs of Solomon 2:7 MSG

My message is on ‘Timing.’

The Bible tells us that there is a time and a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1). The right timing is crucial in every aspect of our lives, but we’ll focus on the matter of relationships in this post. The right ‘timing’ is crucial in everything we do. Working with God’s time helps us avoid certain tragedies, as you may have seen from my story. There is a danger in trying to “force” love before the appropriate time.

One of these dangers is that people mistake ‘infatuation’ and ‘mere emotions’ for true love. Many, in desperation, look for love in the wrong places. Some eventually suffer consequences such as painful heartbreaks, and others end up losing amazing friendships as a result. Quite sad. All these happen because we ignore God’s timing.

‘LOVE’ is not the tingly feeling you get in the presence of that person. Trust me! Been there, done that. Love is much more than we take it to be.

Love is a RESPONSIBILITY, and responsibility requires MATURITY. Love is a CHOICE.

Do you know what our primary problem is? IMPATIENCE. No wonder they call us the “Indomie (noodles) generation.”

Develop patience, dear brother.

Please wait, dear sister.

Let’s wait for the right time, God’s time.

Waiting is never easy, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I completely agree and understand, but we have to learn to be patient. It is for our good.

Do you know what could help?

Get busy! Get busy with purpose. Get busy with finding out who you are in Christ, what He would have you do. Prepare yourself for ‘THE ONE’ so you won’t be a liability instead of an asset. Add value to yourself. It took me a couple of years to learn these lessons, and I definitely learned them the hard way.

DO NOT FORGET that God makes everything beautiful in His time, not your time. HE IS THE PERFECT MASTER PLANNER.

Dear brothers and sisters, do not awaken love until it’s the proper time. Guard your hearts!