Temple (Ep. 2)

Temple (Ep. 1)

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Laying on my bed, I thought of everything Maria said. I also could not help but wonder how bad her past could have been. It made me realize that people’s pasts do not determine how they end up as long as they take responsibility for their lives and begin to walk on the right path. I mean, Maria seemed to have recovered alright.

I knew exactly what I had to do. I picked up my phone from my bag to call Ezra, but I thought otherwise. Something about his voice would weaken my resolve, so I decided to text instead.

Dear Ezra,

I know you would find it strange that I address you this way. My choice of language might come to you as a surprise, but hang on as there are more surprises ahead.

You probably did not see this coming, or maybe you did, but I just wanted to spell it out in plain words – I AM DONE WITH YOU AND WHATEVER WE HAVE BETWEEN US. And in case you’re wondering why I’m ending things with you, I’ll go ahead and clarify that you have not done anything wrong. In fact, you have been a gentleman to a considerable extent. Please do not feel the need to apologize to mend what is already destroyed. It is already difficult for me to do this, so please don’t make things any worse by attempting to reach out to me. I would also be blocking you on all platforms, so don’t think I am snubbing you when you don’t get a reply from me.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is in my best interest that I approach it that way. Situations like this call for strict measures.

Thank you for being a friend.

Goodbye.

I re-read what I had typed, and I did not know when streams of tears began to flow from my eyes. I cried. I knew I could not send it. I just could not cause so much pain to someone who had cared so well for me. I also could not bear the pain of losing him. With tears still in my eyes, I went to sleep.

*****

We were all standing in a straight line; it was a very long line. I looked around to see if I could recognize anyone, but all the faces around me were strange. I was far behind, and I could not see the start of the line from where I stood; neither did I know where the line was leading to.

But even though the line was long, it was moving really fast, and I was at the front in no time. I soon realized that there was some baptism of some sort going on, but this was quite different as people stayed much longer in the water. As it got closer to my turn, I realized that it was more of a washing process. We were being washed thoroughly in the water. I wondered why we were being washed when we were all wearing very clean white gowns. I decided to look closer, then realized that we were not as clean as I thought. I looked at myself and realized that even though I was clothed in white, I looked so dirty on the inside that I even wondered how I was not smelling. I was beginning to disgust myself, and I could not wait to get to the front to be washed.

I looked into the pool, and I saw that some people resisted the washing process. I screamed at them, “Can’t you see how dirty you are? Please get yourself clean.” My pleas fell on deaf ears as they continued to struggle their way out. Eventually, they were left to themselves, and they went away still filthy. Finally, it was my turn. Shockingly, I found myself running away from those who would clean me. I cried to be clean in my head, but my body kept running away from the water. After trying for so long to get me to the water, the washers let me be.

*****

I woke up with sweat dripping from my pores, my heartbeat fast and loud like that of a talking drum. I could not make sense of what seemed like a simple dream. All I could think of was calling Maria. I tried her number 3 times, but it was not going through. Then I decided to call Ezra. I realized that it had almost been an entire day without reaching him or him reaching me. I called him directly, but his number was not going through. I decided to write him on WhatsApp.

As I entered our chat, I was met with great shock; the message I had typed earlier had been delivered to Ezra. I was so confused. I did not send the message. Yes, I had typed it out, but I did not plan to send it. He had read the text and had not been online since he opened the chat. I tried calling him over and over again, but he did not pick. What did I expect?

My phone started to vibrate; a call was coming through, I thought it was Ezra, but I saw that it was Maria to my disappointment. I had totally forgotten why I called her earlier. I picked the phone.

“Maria, I am in so much trouble. I made a mistake.” I was desperate for help.

“Why do you say that? What did you do?” Maria asked; I could hear the urgency in her voice also.

“I wrote Ezra a message; he read it, did not reply, and has not been online since then. I have even tried to call him, but he has not been picking my calls. I do not know what to do. I am in so much trouble ….”

Maria cut me short from my rant. “Betty, please be calm. Can you clearly explain to me what the issue is? What message did you send to Ezra?”

“I texted him that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. It was not a very nice text, I was rude, but I did not intend to send it, but somehow it got sent,” I replied.

“But isn’t that what you want? To be free from him and to appreciate your body as the temple of God? Maybe this is God’s way of making you free from him. Why are you trying to run back?”

“But Maria, who will be my friend after all these. He is all I have. Ever since my father passed on, I am yet to meet anyone who loves me as much. If Ezra leaves, I will be all alone. Maybe my body is just the price to pay. Everyone pays the price for love.” I did not know when I started to cry. I could feel my heart hurting from the thought of Ezra leaving.

“Betty, I do understand you. You are not alone, and you can live without Ezra.” Maria’s voice was much lower.

“What do you understand Maria, you have wonderful people around you. Your life is perfect, and you are here asking me to give up the one thing that I have. Do not come with ‘God loves you’. Where was he when all these things were happening to me? Maria, please, I don’t mean to be rude to you, but I do not think I can talk much now.”

With that, I ended the call.

I knew it was rude to do that, but I really needed to get through to Ezra. I tried calling his line multiple times to no avail.

I could not cry anymore; I just laid on my bed thinking about my life and how everything seemed to be falling apart. Then I remembered the dream. I was beginning to understand it. It was like I was given a free pass to be clean and free, but I was running away, preferring the same thing that held me bound.

Just then, I received a notification that a message had come in. I thought it was Ezra, so I jumped to open it. However, it was Maria. I felt terrible for being so rude to her, so I opened her message.

“Betty, I am sorry if I sounded like I did not understand. I am also sorry for the pain you had to pass through, even though I do not know the cause of your pain. I want you to know that my life has not always been like this, but I found God and His love. Any other remedy to your pain is a big lie; no love from a man can match His love. I love you so much, Betty, but even my love for you doesn’t compare to what God has for you. Many other people love you as well, and they are just waiting for the opportunity to also show it to you. The price for true love is never your body. That is not how it was made to be.

If you decide to go back to Ezra, I want you to think of the consequences. Emotionally, you are so tied to him that it would break you more when he finally leaves. You are losing your worth, your esteem, your true self. These are all consequences of engaging in premarital intercourse. The most significant loss would be your relationship with God. I can see Him calling out to you. He wants a relationship with you. Do not run from the one who is ready to wash you clean.

PS: I am sorry this is lengthy, but I had to reach out. I love you.”

My eyes were filled with tears. The pain of my father’s death, my mother’s distance, and the thought of losing Ezra all rolled up into one. But beyond all the hurt, I could feel the love wrapped in Maria’s message. I thought about her words, and I realized that I had a lot to lose if I continued with Ezra. I knew that situation would get worse and more complicated. I knew that his demands would only increase. It was not a good place to be.

So I made a commitment with myself to treat my body as God’s temple. It is a commitment that no matter what, nothing or no one would have access to my body until God says that it is time. There are so many reasons to want to go back, but because my body is the temple of God, I just cannot go back.