WORTH AND STRUGGLES (Pt. 2)

WORTH AND STRUGGLES (Pt. 1)

---

HIM

The rain poured heavily, and we could not go to the park, so we decided to go to my house instead. The atmosphere in the room was awkward, and I was nervous. What exactly did she want to say? I had a feeling that I knew, but I needed to hear her say it.

“Jola, I cannot do this any longer. If we have to be together, we have to stop sleeping together.” She started to say.

I wasn’t sure what to say at that point so I asked, “Why Mary? Don’t you love me anymore?”

“I do — more than you can even imagine. But I just cannot continue like this. We have to stop,” Mary replied.

“So you are requesting that we break up?” I asked. I wanted to understand her request.

“No, no, not that. We are not breaking up. It’s just that we cannot continue sleeping together.” She replied hastily.

“But Mary, how then will you show me that you love me? See, I am a man with needs. If we had not started, maybe I could have agreed with your request. But we have, and we have to continue. That is my way of expressing my love to you. If you are not comfortable with it, there are a lot of other girls who are very comfortable with it, okay?” I did not know where these words came from, but it felt like words that my friends would have been proud I said.

Mary started to cry. I had never seen her cry before. I did not know what exactly to do at that point. I moved closer to hug her, and she melted in my embrace.

“Mary, give me a chance to show you how much I love you because I truly do.”

Those words sealed our sixth moment together.

---

HER

All the scenes of pain were happening again, from the first boy to the last one. But this time, there was something different – the last was different. This time Jola was the last man causing me pain. I woke up. It was a very familiar dream, but the update in character confused me. I did not understand why. I thought he was my joy.

I opened my eyes, and I was still in Jola’s house. I couldn’t believe that I had come here to say no to him, and I was here on his bed. I even dared to sleep off, not considering the time. Speaking of time, what was the time? With the speed of light, I stood up and started looking for my phone. I remembered I had put it in my bag when it began to rain.

“Mary!” Jola said, with a strong sense of urgency in his voice. He must have had a bad dream. I was frightened, and I immediately moved over to where he was.

“Jola, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” I asked him.

He wasn’t even looking at me. It was as though he was trying to hide something. Was he crying? I had never thought this could happen.

“Jola, are you okay? Would you please talk to me? Is everything okay?” I was scared.

Realizing I had seen his tears, he replied, “Mary, it’s getting late. I think you need to go home.”

Was he chasing me out? He was calling my name a minute ago, and now he’s requesting that I leave. I knew everything wasn’t okay.

“Jola, I am not leaving until you tell me something,” I replied, standing my ground. I just couldn’t leave now. He needed me.

“Mary, please, I will order you a taxi, and you will go home, and we will talk later.. okay?” He said.

He didn’t even mind that I was standing in his face. The tone of his voice was different, almost like he was angry about something. I didn’t understand. If anyone was to be angry, it was me. I was the one who was being used here. I had come here to say no, but I ended doing what I did not want to.

“Jola, if I leave here without an explanation, I am leaving here for good.” I was angry now. I was not going to let a man use me and tell me to leave like an whore.

Jola looked up at me suddenly. Although his eyes were still watery, his face had anger written all over it.

“That’s been your plan from the beginning, right? To spend my money and then leave?”

He stood up furiously from the bed. I didn’t understand anything. I was so shocked at the turn of events, and I felt so insulted. I never expected this from Jola. I felt so ashamed. I knew my time here was up. I stood to leave. It wasn’t hard to locate my stuff as I quickly packed up. I had thought I would be crying, but I wasn’t at all. The anger that clouded me couldn’t let me do that.

We were both quiet.

As I approached the door, I heard his voice, it was soft and full of remorse, “Mary, please don’t leave.”

I would have been foolish and cheap to look back, but I did just that. The moment my eyes met Jola’s face, I burst into tears. It had sadness written all over it.

“Mary, please don’t leave. I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean any of it. I was angry.” He said. I stood there listening to him.

“Why are you angry? I didn’t do anything. I don’t understand what this is all about,” I replied to him.

“You were going to leave just like the last time. You were going to run off. Why don’t you want to stay?” He asked me.

“I wasn’t going to run off. I only wanted to retrieve my phone to check the time,” I replied.

There was so much pain in his face and voice that I couldn’t help but come back into the house. I sat on the bed with him.

“Jola, I didn’t want to leave. I love you. I just don’t want us to keep doing this.” I told him.

“Mary, I don’t think that can work; I don’t know how to be with you and not want it. I wish you had said no to me the first time, not now. I am only being sincere with you. It can’t work between us without it. But why are you changing your mind now? You’ve never had a problem with it. Why now? That’s what I don’t understand exactly. Are you tired of me?”

I didn’t know how to answer him; it was almost like I forgot why I didn’t want to do this again.

“Jola, this is wrong in every sense of it,” I muttered. “And I do not want to keep doing something wrong. My body feels so defiled.”

“But why me? You used to do it before you met me. Did you have a problem then?” He asked.

Now every form of anger had left him, and I felt pity for him. But I felt more pity for myself. Was I going to tell the guy I had known for just two months about everything that had happened in the past? I couldn’t. I kept quiet.

“Answer me, Mary.” He said again.

Then I felt a vibration in my bag. It was my phone. I had forgotten that time had gone. I needed to get home soon. I brought out the phone from my bag. The time was 11 pm, and my mother was calling for the 14th time. My mother was definitely going to kill me, no two ways about it.

“Jola, I have to leave right now. It’s too late already. I don’t know what I’d tell my mother, but I need to be home now before matters get worse,” I said.

“Oh wow, it’s 11 pm already. I will order you a taxi now. I’m so sorry you had to stay this late.” He said, searching for his phone.

In a few minutes, the taxi arrived, and I left. I knew that I didn’t answer Jola’s questions, and I knew he was expecting my reply. I didn’t know what thoughts he had in his head, but I didn’t feel comfortable telling him the details of my life.

For the first time, Jola felt like a total stranger, and I didn’t understand why. But as I got off the taxi at my gate, I knew that was the least of my worries. I was about to die at the hands of my mother.

To be continued…