HIM
It was already 6 am, and I was unable to sleep. I recalled the phone call I had with my father. His words still rang in my head. I realized I should have asked myself the question he asked me long ago. The major problem was that he required feedback from me soon. He expected me to explain the practical steps this cub took to return to the pride. I wasn’t sure of the amount of information that he had. Was he talking about just Bright and John, or was he also talking about Mary? I felt so embarrassed.
I also did not know where to start. I liked Mary so much, and I knew that it would be difficult to be with her and not want more. I also could not break up with her. I did not want to be the bad guy in this story. This was all Bright and John’s fault. But they are also my friends, and I could not stop being with them.
Then I remembered something my father said, “Sometimes it hurts to leave the dogs. But to become who God created you to be, you have to pass through the pain as it is only through this pain that one can indeed rule.” Maybe this was my pain to pass through. But leaving them was not the first problem to solve. The primary issue was if I believed I was a lion and not a dog.
HER
I was patiently waiting for the slap that would land on my face, but it did not come. I looked up to see if my mother was listening at all. I saw her. She was looking at me with a keen gaze.
“When did you start dating?” she asked.
“For like two months now,” I replied.
“Mary!” Her tone was so sharp.
She stood up furiously. This was the reaction I had been expecting from her. But then, just as suddenly as she got up, she sat down again and became calm. I was confused.
“Mary, you have been dating a guy for two months, and you are already sleeping in the house. Don’t you have a sense of self-worth?” She asked me.
I didn’t know exactly how to reply. Her words hit me hard. Was she furious I was sleeping in his house or because I had just known him for two months?
“Mary, answer me. How do you expect a man who you have just been with for two months to value you if you are this fast to sell yourself cheaply to him?” She asked again.
“Did this kind of question require an answer?” I asked myself because I was again clueless on the response to give to her.
“Mary, look at me and answer me. Do you possess any sense of self-worth?” She needed an answer.
“I don’t know, ma,” I said.
“Oh no! You must know. Think about it. Do you think you have placed any value on yourself for this action you have taken?” She asked again.
“No ma.”
“Then why did you do it? Why did you go to his house and stay until that late? Do you know what he will think of you?” she asked.
“It was a mistake. I was not supposed to go there. I went there only because it was raining. The plan was to go to the park.” I replied.
“Hmm… I am concerned about how you slept off at his place, but I am also scared to ask as I’m not sure what I might find out, so I would rather not ask. I have only one thing to say. It must not repeat itself. Do you understand me?” She concluded and left my room without waiting for a reply.
I did not know what to do at that point. I just lay on my bed, ruminating on my mother’s words. “Indeed, do I have any sense of self-worth?”
HIM
I did not want to dwell much on whether I thought I was a dog or a lion, so I decided to call Mary. I had not heard from her all day. The phone rang twice, but there was no answer. I was getting worried. Finally, she called me back.
“Mary, are you okay? What happened at home?” I asked.
“Nothing much,” she replied. I knew it was something much.
“Talk to me, please. What did your parents say? I am so sorry; this is all my fault.”
“It is not your fault, please. I am serious when I say nothing much. My mother and I spoke. She asked me not to repeat it,” she said.
It sounded completely different than what I imagined would happen.
“Interesting. Where did you tell her you went?” I asked.
“I told her I was with you and everything,” Mary said, but something was wrong with her voice. She sounded different, like she was irritated or annoyed.
“Mary, are you angry with me?” I had to ask.
“No, I am not. Why should I be?” she replied, still with a sharp tone.
“Nothing, but you sound like you are not interested in this call.”
She ignored what I had said. Instead, she asked, “How do you see me?”
That was an unusual and random question. “I don’t understand you. What do you mean by that?”
“I mean what I mean, Jola. How do you see me?”
I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I knew I had to pick my answer very carefully.
“I see you as a lovely girl that I am pleased to be with.”
“Is that all?” she asked.
I knew that I had not answered the question well.
“I cannot begin to say all I see right now because it is a lot. You see, you are a girl with a lot of potentials. Your mind is so beautiful, and I loved how deep your thoughts are, even in simple situations,” I answered, hoping this answer would suffice.
“Would you see me better if I never allowed you to touch me in the first place?” She asked.
I did not understand where this question was heading.
“I don’t know, Mary. We have done it already.” At that point, that was my truthful answer.
“Hmmm…. Okay. If you say so,” she said, clearly unsatisfied.
“What did you expect me to say, Mary?” I asked.
“Jola, you were supposed to say no. You were to say that me sleeping with you does not change the way you see me. I expected you to tell me that me sleeping with you makes no difference as you will value me the same way, whether I slept with you or not. You were to say that sleeping with you does not affect my self-worth.”
She was crying now, and I didn’t know how to console her. I had no idea where all these were coming from. How was I to give answers to questions she did not even ask?
“I am sorry, Mary. I did not know those were the answers that you wanted. Please don’t cry,” I said, unsure of what to do or say.
She ended the call.
I knew better than to call her back at that particular time. I had to wait for her to calm down. But I started to think about the unasked questions she wanted me to answer. And I realized the problem. The answer I gave earlier was wrong. I had said I didn’t know, but truthfully, I knew. I definitely would see her better if she had said no to me. Of course, I wouldn’t tell her that.
But I could not help but ask myself that same question. Did I have any sense of self-worth or value? I have been sleeping with a girl just because I wanted to prove a point to my friends. I have done so many things to prove to them that I am also a man. I am a lion who has moved so far the pride and now competes with dogs to be a better dog. I did not know when I began to cry. I had lost my worth. Was there any hope for me?
HER
I cried so hard. My mother was right. I heard a knock at the door, and I immediately stopped crying. I cleaned my face and went to open the door. It was my father. He hugged me, and the tears I tried so much to hide started to roll again. I could not help it.
“Dad, I made a mistake,” I said. My father was the more understanding parent. I felt like I could talk to him better than my mum.
“I thought he was different, but now I don’t think he is. I don’t know what to do. I feel so useless and worthless right now.” I could not stop crying. For some reason, I was extremely hurt by Jola’s words.
“My princess, you are not useless. That is one thing you should never forget. No man has the right to define you as useless if your father – your heavenly father – and I have not called you useless.” He consoled me.
“But daddy, tell me the truth. Is there any difference to a man if a woman sleeps with him or not before marriage?”
“Hmmm… my princess. Yes, there is. A man naturally values a modest woman who keeps herself than one who throws herself at him. You might see men running after these promiscuous girls. They just want something quick, and that is all for that time. When they want the real deal, they don’t want them promiscuous. Every man wants a woman with value. One with worth,” my father replied softly.
I looked up at him. I was so broken.
“Daddy, I have lost my worth. Is there hope for me?”
Precious Omowole
Beautifully written, kudos!
Favour
Very good content. Thanks for this. Waiting for the next
Deborah Abimbola
Hmmm…!!
Khero
I am waiting for part 5 please …