Dear Future Spouse❤️

Dear Future Spouse,

I don’t know what to call you yet because the name I will call you will depend on your native language. Someone told me to call you “Daughter of Zion” (Nawa for him o!). If you are Igbo, I will call you Nkem. If you are Yoruba, I will call you Eyimofe. If you are Russian, you will be моя любимая (but pleeease don’t be Russian… na God I take beg you 😆). First of all, I hope you have been attending the marriage seminars. If you’ve been attending them, they must have told you how important it is to begin praying for your marriage even long before it is time. So here is what I am praying for you:

That God will, by His grace, give you the moral strength to maintain sexual purity; that you will be so captivated by Him and seek to please only Him in all things; that you will understand decency and radiate that inner beauty of a godly life and character; that God will enlarge your heart and make you a woman of wisdom and a woman of prayer; that you will be completely secure in your identity as a beloved child of God and not seek validation from anyone or anything, and finally, that when I propose, you will say yes quickly and not keep me waiting for too long.

I’m working hard on myself in preparation for our future together. I’m studying much to know the role of a man and a woman in the family. I’m learning how to be a father and a husband. I’m also asking a lot of questions in an attempt to understand this mysterious creature called woman (you and your kind 😂). I don’t know to what extent I’ve been successful, but here’s what your prayer for me should be:

That God will, by His grace, give me the moral strength to maintain sexual purity; that God will make me a man after His heart; that I will experience the love of God very deeply in my soul (for a man can only love to the extent that he has been loved); that I will be built up to take my place as the priest of our home; that there will be no pride or ego in me that will make it difficult for me to be lovingly corrected by you in any area where you may have more wisdom; that I will be a loving husband and a responsible father; that I will be skilled enough in the word of life to cleanse you by the washing of water by the word, and build you up to become the best version that God planned for you to be; and that when it is time, I will not be too shy to ask “will you marry me?”

As we look towards the future:

I envision a family where God will be first in everything; a family where love will be the character of everything we say or do; a family where you will always know and feel that you are loved; a family where integrity and honesty will permeate every aspect of our lives; a family where our children will see their daddy as a friend, not a terror; a family that will pray together and plays together; a family where prayer will regularly rise as an incense to God; a family that will terrorize the kingdom of darkness.

I have to confess that I was a very naughty boy when I was much younger. When I was about eight years old, there was this lady that used to pass the front of my house regularly. She had big buttocks and used to (either deliberately or not) shake them rhythmically whenever she was walking. So, one day, as she passed, I began to sing “17, 18, 19, shugudu….17, 18, 19, shugudu,” and I timed my “shugudu” to rhyme with the oscillations of her buttocks. I got away with it for a few days until she looked at me angrily one day (having noticed that the song I was singing was for her) and began to chase me. I was swift enough to escape her wrath that day, and I ran into my parents’ bathroom to hide. The lady entered our living room, and my mum (God bless her) apologized on my behalf. I never sang that song again, but I realize how easy it is for children to learn wrong things if they are not quickly trained in the way of the Lord.

So, God helping us, we will raise our children in the fear of God and teach them dignity, integrity, and discipline. They will be excellent spiritually, as well as in their character. We will have family reading time (at least one hour every week), during which we will come together to read a novel and talk about it. This will be a great time of bonding as well as inculcating the discipline of reading into the lovely children we will raise together. Our task will be great but so will be the grace of God that will back us up. There will be no mountain too high for us to cross…us meaning you, me, and God (a threefold cord that is not easily broken).

Growing up in my family, I never had any reason to doubt that I was loved. It’s amazing that even now, I can remember how I felt as a 5-year-old boy whenever my dad complimented me. I treasured his words so much, and they had a great impact on me. On one occasion, he asked me to spell a 5-letter word on the way to school, which I spelled correctly. He was so proud of me and said I was brilliant and intelligent. He remarked that I was “cute” when he saw me in my “Christmas dress” and shoes on a particular Christmas day. His words provided a kind of emotional nourishment for me. So, you can imagine how it must have felt on very rare occasions when he spoke some hurtful words to me in an attempt to rebuke me and correct my naughtiness. It took me several years to realize how they affected me and how to let go of them. I have the gift of a very sharp memory (sometimes I’m happy I do and other times I wish I didn’t), and many times, I remember not only events but also the emotions they brought with them. So, moving forward, I’m making up my mind never to say a word to our children whenever I’m angry. I’m trusting God to learn the discipline of holding still until I can achieve that internal tranquility. Please add this to your list of prayers for me 😁.

This man you will get married to is far from perfect. There are certainly gaps in my life that I know are likely to be filled up only by you. Nonetheless, I have made up my mind to keep working on myself rather than sit tight and wait for you to come and “fix” me. Some of these gaps are innate; others are due to my upbringing. One of them is in the area of sensitivity. I’ve found that it is not good to always operate purely at the level of logic when dealing with people. Humans are emotional beings, and I will need to be helped in empathizing with people and being broken enough to put myself in their shoes to understand their concerns genuinely before bombarding them with my “great knowledge.”

I don’t think my proposal will come to you as a big surprise, and it may not be as dramatic as much of what we see on YouTube (I’m sorry if you are expecting something different 🥺). I’ve decided to invest more in the marriage itself rather than in the proposal. It will be direct and straightforward. I hope this will not make you think I am not romantic, but in case you do, to prove you wrong ahead of time, I have penned down a poem for you, for you, my lady. It is just a little expression of love from me to you. I hope you like it:

The woman that I love…❤.
Should I search for you now or wait to hear an instruction from above?
I wonder if you are real or just a figment of my imagination
I hope you are real because it’s for you I’ve reserved all my affection

Woman of my dreams, if I don’t sleep, how will I find you?
I will never be complete without you, and I know this to be true
Most paramount to me is not whether your eyes are brown or blue
I just can’t wait to see them glow when I say, “I love you too.”

On the day I ask you that question,
I may not be bold as a lion
But I have no fear since you are indeed a “Daughter of Zion,”
And even if I’m as scared as a rabbit or as gentle as a dove.

I promise you will always be my baby, my darling,
my angel, my warmth, my sunshine, my everything…
the woman I will always love

I have many more things to say to you, but I belong to a group of brothers and sisters who will read this letter before you and I don’t want them to know everything 😂. So, I’ve decided to hide them deep in my heart, and I know you will find them when you come. Till we meet face to face, please don’t let any other man win your heart (unless, of course, that Man is Jesus). Keep burning for Him, keep chasing your one thousand, and don’t bother looking for me. Just pray for me. I will find you myself.