Dear future husband,
So I’m actually dictating this letter/note, and it feels odd writing to someone I don’t know, but I guess one day you will see this, and we will have a good laugh over it. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve met before. I highly doubt, but I believe, or at least I want to believe, that we haven’t. I often hear stories of how couples met, and I’ve also seen a couple of movies too, which makes me think a lot of what our meet-cute would be; whatever it is, I hope it’s a story worth telling. You know, one of the things I pray for is that when the Holy Spirit tells you I’m your wife, you’ll be highly grateful and see me as a gift from him to you and, of course, vice versa.
Currently, I am on a bus, and I’m trying to wrap my head around what I want to say to you; some part of me feels silly (maybe silly is not the right word), but I feel like people are wondering who this queer human being is. I know they say women tend to fantasize a lot, but have you ever imagined what our wedding would be like? Well, I have. I didn’t think much about my dress, the wedding venue, or the perfect cake. Instead, I thought about the music that would be played. I attended a wedding couple of years ago, and it almost seemed as though they were repeating the same set of gospel songs, and songs like “All of me” and “Perfect” were absent. In summary, there were no love songs apart from “Iyawo mi”, if I’m not mistaken. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Iyawo mi”, and I want it played at my wedding, alongside “Oloo mi” (I have a history with this song), but I don’t want “Onaga” playing on repeat that day. I don’t know if you get me. I also have an artist that I would like to perform at our wedding (you see how much thought I have put into our wedding playlist). Who knows, maybe, you will even write a song for me (not necessary, but I don’t mind). Enough about the wedding though, let’s talk about marriage.
My parents have a lovely marriage, so I don’t think having a wonderful marriage is impossible. Divorce is not an option for me and I believe you should have the same mindset, or at least I pray so. Of recent, I have noticed that many people have messed up ideologies of what marriages should be about, and honestly, it’s frightening. A lot of people’s “normal” is not normal at all. I’ll keep praying for our minds that the word of God would continuously renew it. I pray for you from time to time, but I pray for our children more. I mean, you’re a big boy or man after all. Speaking of children, I pray our children love you, and you love them too. As odd as it may sound, I want our daughters to be daddy’s girls. I also want twins, but I don’t think I have that genetic disposition on my side of the family, so it will have to come from your side –if God wants that for us, of course. Sometimes, I feel like I will not be a good mother. I find it hard to show or express my emotions, and I know children respond more to actions than words. I want them to feel loved and know they are loved by us and by God. I have been praying to God about being able to show love, and I pray that God will help me love and respect you. I would have said “love and respect you the way you deserve”, but the truth is you are human, and you might not act in a way that will make you earn love or respect. So instead, I pray God gives me the grace and strength to love and respect you despite what you say or do.
I want to give you a heads-up; I have been told that I’m pretty stubborn and I tend to argue a lot. Babe, please bear with me. The Holy Spirit is working on me, and I pray he is working on you too. If it ever happens that I’m being unnecessarily stubborn or I’m arguing with you on a topic you want to drop, let me know, or better still, tell the Holy Spirit (that’s more likely to work) to make me stop. You must love God oh, and hear from the Holy Spirit too, cause our marriage can’t work without the Trinity. I need you to be submitted to His will so I can report you to Him when the need arises. Don’t worry, I’m also taking a course on obedience. If you can’t get through to me, my teacher (the Holy Spirit) definitely will. Well, this letter is to my husband, so if we get married, it means God gave His permission. I remember going on a prayer walk one day, and I was praying about us, about our families… and I expressly told God that if by mistake, I plan to get married to someone He knows will destroy my life or won’t make me reach the peak of what God has for me, He should fight against it with all His strength. I know that when I see challenges, I would ask Him what’s up, so I told Him to remind me of the day I made this prayer.
As you are my spec, I don’t need to list what I want in a husband, but I want to highlight something, or rather, some things. Babe, please, I need you to be vulnerable with me. Let your guard down. Don’t be forming hard guy, hard guy. If you have a problem, it has become our problem, so please let me know. I pray I won’t look at you as weak, cause your true strength is shown when you can expose your weakness and ask for help; God’s strength is displayed in our weakness, not when we feel we can do it all. As I’m telling you this, I’m also telling myself because I have a problem with being open about my feelings; I have so many walls. Someone once said I don’t have a heart. As in, I don’t even have a heart, not to talk of having a heart of stone. Well, I believe something about you will make me drop all my ‘woman of steel’ acts and just allow myself to relax and be taken care of. I pray you nurture me cause babe, I’m going places, and I know you are too. Please push me to be my very best, and don’t allow me to settle for less. I’ll make sure I help you to be the best in all you set your hands to do without giving you any stress.
Please, may we never get to a point where we leave as roommates just peacefully coexisting. Promise me we will always be friends, promise me that you will always look forward to coming home to me, promise me that you will enjoy my company. I promise that I’ll try to love what you love, get involved in your hobbies; if you love football, the club you love just gained another supporter. You have gotten a plus one to all your trips and events if you love traveling. If you love spending time with me, well, I will always be there;). If you love going on adventures like sky diving and co, then I’ll be your photographer and videographer, because I’d rather not have a heart attack in the process. If you need space, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I’ll give you space. It might just be for a couple of minutes, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
Another thing I pray for is that our families love each other. I want our children to be close to both sides of the family. I want you to go to my house without me and feel at home completely. I want the bond between you and my family to be so strong that I will almost feel jealous. I want that kind of relationship with your family too. I want to be able to call your parents my parents and not in-laws. I really pray for that peace and love between our families. I want our parents to be friends.
Please, I beg you in the name of God, when you propose, don’t make it boring eg. “Sister … I prayed for ages, and the Lord told me you are my wife” or “you, I want to marry” or “how does August sound in your spirit “. You don’t need to go all out but it will really mean a lot to me if it seems like you put a lot of thought into the proposal. I know the proposal might not be a surprise, but ask the Holy Spirit for tips. I’m sure He will also mention the kind of ring I want. I would have mentioned what type, but some other privileged few will read this letter, and this is highly classified information.
There’s still so much I want to say to you, but my letter is getting too long (or it’s already too long), so I’ll round up here.
Oh wait, I listened to the most beautiful vows I have ever heard (El shaker and Esther’s wedding, you guys can go listen to it too), I haven’t heard a lot but I loved that one. I’m writing it here so we can listen to it together; I pray ours is more beautiful, not just for saying vows sake but for living the vows out together. Keep growing, progressing, loving God, building capacity, and I’ll meet you along the way, as you have already discovered I was and I’m doing the same.
Funny, I’m on a bus even as I’m ending the letter. I’m penning the state in which I’m writing this letter so that it will be like a time capsule, and when I read it in the future, I’ll be taken back to this day, and the memory will feel just as real as the actual experience.
I love you. Right now, these are just mere words to me, but I’m saying it as a promise that I’ll consciously and intentionally keep by God’s grace until death do us part.
P.S- I know this will make my letter no longer anonymous, but please don’t ever try combining my birthday gift and valentine’s day gift in one; it doesn’t matter if they are close. I’ll be expecting special treatment on both days, and I look forward to seeing what you come up with. Don’t be scared; you have the Holy Spirit as your guide.
Anonymous